…on busy schedules, self-confidence, and scalpels.

23 Jul

ten pounds of something in a five pound bag

It may not be as bad as that statement’s colloquial connotation makes it out to be, but the week certainly feels overstuffed enough to qualify for a reasonably literal reading of the comparison.

I think the feeling stems from the fact that it’s a non-normal week as it is, with a few extra bumps thrown in. Normally, a week like this one, with an off-site (and only five minutes from home) training class, is a welcome respite, getting paid strictly to be a student, and drink mass quantities of free hotel coffee. It’s good work if you can get it, and I haven’t had anything like it since 2003; I know this specifically because I’ve been brushing up on my resume quite a bit in the last couple of days.

I have a job interview tomorrow; for a job I’ve got a reasonably good chance of getting, even. I’m not sure this is the one of the three possible promotions popping up in the next little while, but it’s the first (and I like the other two “special project geek” jobs better anyway). If I get it, I’d be, officially, for the first time, somebody’s boss, and that’s a little bit stressful, because although I have all the requisite boxes checked on paper for this, I don’t know if I’m really the best candidate for the job, even though I’d rather I have it than have some of the other potential candidates be my boss, so there’s that. And, of course, the whole “bigger paycheck” thing. Still, I’m a little apprehensive.

You see, I’m what you call a “wonk” – I tend to deal very well with systems, processes, policy, and boxes with pretty blinkenlights and wires coming out of them. I get along with all of these things much more effectively than I do with people. Not that I don’t generally manage to deal with actual people, one-on-one or in groups, just fine, but the more general theoretical “people”, and the care, feeding, managing, and motivating of said concept, makes me very nervous.

Also, as a manager, I’d be required and expected to delegate responsibility for tasks to others; I’m not always good at that, being the anal-retentive control freak that I am. Sure, I have several good stories of work experience past to show that I can overcome such tendencies and “let go”, but again, the whole “working against my nature” bit, as well as the whole “selling my good points to other people face-to-face so they’ll give me more money” thing (which is also working against my nature, come to think of it) sets me on edge.

Especially since I have to bail out of an hour or so of my class tomorrow morning to sit for the interview.

Class, itself, incidentally, is actually reasonably nice; I’m getting some good cross-training in other disciplines (which will make me more marketable later, assuming I don’t pass out during an interview), and after answering somebody’s systems question (after the instructor couldn’t), I became the de facto answer guy for the class, which is usually the way things work out, so that’s normal. It’ll be a good experience (the first of three this summer!), once I get past 9:30 tomorrow morning.

Anyway, back to having to miss some of class tomorrow morning; stressful, because I’m already having to bail on Friday (actually, I’m going to end up running in, taking the week-end test, then bailing…I’m not losing credit for this class, damnit!) because I’m having a bit of elective surgery.

And the odd bit about all of this? The fact that somebody will be poking sharp surgical implements into my boy parts Friday morning is the least stressful part of my week.

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