friday random elevenish: “triggered” edition

28 Sep

It is, at least the last time I looked at a calendar (for today,not 1982). Just checked the lower right corner of the computer screen. Yep, Friday.

Anyway, yesterday was strangely emotional for me. I was moved by Blasey Ford’s testimony (I was tearing up at her reading her opening statement), and I actually had to stop listening to Kavanaugh; he was sparking outrage – as I’ve said previously (like pretty much all week in this space), he came across as the embodiment of all the jock assholes (especially the active Catholic ones – it’s a special category, interestingly enough, in my experience) I knew in my youth who got held up as exemplars of good by adults in authority; the same authorities that looked the other way or made excuses when they got up to exactly the kind of stuff Judge Kavanaugh is being accused of, and he and his friends describe in thinly-veiled code in those yearbook blurbs. His cadence of speech, his expressed emotion (mostly anger) in his opening statement…all that stuff came flooding back.

It actually caught me by surprise how much it affected me; I really thought I had gotten past all that stuff I experienced, and I especially feel bad that I’m feeling this way about it, because on the whole, my experience being bullied as a fat nerdy kid was (I’ve at least convinced myself) probably mild compared to some. Also, I don’t want to put my being bullied and teased by those types on the same level as being sexually assaulted (or worse) as Dr. Blasey Ford, and so many others that have shared their stories over the last week or so (and the many more I’m sure haven’t), but as my wife told me yesterday afternoon while we talked through this (as we do), those feelings and things that others went through don’t invalidate my experience – it’s not a zero sum game; I shouldn’t feel guilty for having the experience.

Now that we’ve wrapped this episode of “Chuck works through his mental and emotional issues in a relatively public forum…”, let’s return to our regularly scheduled programming:

This week at work has been quiet, but weird all the same; last week of the fiscal year is full of wrap-up things, though I’m working through winding down two contracts, and waiting for procurement to get their act together to get a replacement in place so I can have a staff next week to keep pressing onward with this frustrating project. Plus, it’s also time to start dusting off my bullshit spinner and write up my year-end self-assessment so the compensation boards can decide if I deserve more money next year. Last year my boss and I were pretty successful; hopefully we’ll be so this year. I’ve got a week to spin that up; I expect I’ll mostly let it germinate in the subconscious over the weekend and start writing Monday. It’s such a crap process, but it’s the world I live in now.

Otherwise, it’s dance competition weekend, but not one we’re hosting, so all I really have to do is sit and watch and carry things for the family. This afternoon will involve me driving west on 460 to grab the eldest, since she’s competing as well, but I’m not really minding – it’ll be nice to have her home for a day or two.

That’s it, really, other than the fact that I played a pretty good set at Isley’s open mic on Wednesday evening; I was actually pretty proud of it, and the folks in attendance, tipsy as some of them were, really enjoyed it.

Tunes this week are pretty stock; neat mix devolving down to the standard stuff (Zappa and the Donnas make appearances), though I’d not heard the song in at #5 before, and I really kinda dug it. It also closes strong with a ton of Nordic headbanging, which I may or may not have banged along with:

  1. “You Make My Dreams” – Daryl Hall & John Oates
  2. “Crazy” – Gnarls Barkley
  3. “No Surprises” – Radiohead
  4. “Love is a Battlefield” – Pat Benetar
  5. “On Your Speakers” – Damone
  6. “Wasting Time” – Day Wave
  7. “Rock of Ages” – Def Leppard
  8. “Dodged a Bullet” – Alice Jemima
  9. “Wig-Wam Bam” – The Donnas
  10. “Wowie Zowie”- The Mothers of Invention
  11. “Nothing Can Stop Me” – Heavens To Betsy
  12. “Skip Under Lide” – Lumsk
  13. “Iron” – Ensiferium
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