friday random elevenish: “indifference, weather panic, music and neutering” edition


Overall, this week, in spite of it’s perceived length, hasn’t been awful, at least for me. Yes, huge swaths the federal government is still shut down over temper tantrums, I spent most of Thursday bundled up in my coat and scarf in my office because the heat is really wonky, and the mid-atlantic is panicking over the coming snowpocalypse (even if it’s not going to be too terrible in my neck of the woods), because the last one dumped more than a foot on us.

The good: I played a pretty good open mic on Wednesday – not my best set ever, though I did about a half-hour of almost entirely originals, which is always a risk. “Bureaucratic Talking Shutdown Blues”, which I wrote during the last big shutdown business back in February (and I never thought I’d have to revisit again), went over especially well. This shutdown continues without apparent end, which sucks for so many people, but it has, as I expected, bought me and my team at least eight more weeks of much-welcome testing time before this project gets deployed. Finally, I had my conference with the boss regarding the year-end evaluations and pay pool deliberations, and the news wasn’t awful – the result was about what I expected; a reasonable (if not tremendous) salary bump for the coming year, and a modest “contribution award” (aka one time lump bonus) that’ll put a couple extra bucks in the budget soonish.

The bad/indifferent: the work itself still is less than engaging, and the result of the year-end review hasn’t really helped me to make the call about whether I stick it out or start shopping for something else. I really don’t know at this point. Oh well. The weather can’t decide what it wants to be; I rode the bike in 70° temperatures three days ago. Today it’s not likely to break 40°. It’s gonna snow Sunday, and unless things change drastically, I have to venture toward the greater impact areas to return my child to her institute of higher education (gonna miss the kid). We’ll see. At least I have Monday off; by my own doing – at one point I thought I might be conning this weekend, but it wasn’t in the cards.

There are two interesting conventions I won’t be attending this weekend, actually – Illogicon in Raleigh-Durham, a small but ridiculously fun event where many of my friends will be performing/attending (Metricula! Valentine Wolfe! Gray Rinehart!), and GaFilk (aka, the Georgia Filk Convention) in Atlanta, where my Humdingers bandmates S&K will be attending, along with other musical nerd friends. If you’re in either area, it’s worth your time to check it out – some great people and great entertainment.

Finally, today is the day for Little Lebowski. He doesn’t know what’s going to be happening this morning, but I’m not sure he’s going to like it.

All that’s left now is the tunes, I suppose. Pretty 80s indie pop, for the most part, with some more modern variations, plus thirteen minutes of live Zappa for seasoning:

  1. “Manic Monday” – The Bangles
  2. “Living These Hard Times” – Jethro Tull
  3. “Vide Noir” – Lord Huron
  4. “Love Will tear Us Apart (1980 Martin Hannett Tapes)” – Joy Division
  5. “Take on Me” – A-Ha
  6. “The First Song” – Band of Horses
  7. “Severed” – The Decembrists
  8. “King Kong (Live)” – Frank Zappa
  9. “Pretend We’re Dead
  10. “Bittersweet Symphony” – The Verve
  11. “Paradise City” – Guns N’ Roses
  12. “Hey You” – Pink Floyd

bureaucratic talking shutdown blues


This is going to be the longest one in history. No question. As long as stuff like this happens, it’s going to go on. the federal workers’ scuttlebut is that we should gird our loins for a long one.

You all know my political leanings. You all also know, more or less, where I work. This is the third time this year we’re in shutdown territory. I work for one of the handful of Departments that happens to have full-year funding, so I’m not directly affected by this one (full disclosure, the fact that I have to coordinate testing with other Departments that are affected is actually giving me some breathing room on the current project we’re approaching the end of…though I don’t feel particularly good about it), but I have plenty of friends and colleauges and total-strangers-but-siblings-in-service-nonetheless who are (approximately 800k of them), and who aren’t going to get paid this week like I am (though I’m still going to hold my breath until the EFT actually hits my checking account), and that really, and truly sucks, because this business is pretty much happening because of a temper tantrum.

The wall (or barrier, or steel slats, or whatever we’re calling it today) isn’t a particularly good idea. It’s not well thought out. Hell, stories out this week indicate it was less policy and more a memory device cooked up by advisers so 45 would remember to bash immigration on the campaign trail.

But here we are.

I honestly don’t know at this point. I don’t think we should spend the money on it. I don’t think we’re going to. Off-the-record talk indicates that the White House is looking for a way out of this one that lets them save face because they’re actually, for once, starting to realize that this one’s gotten away from them. But, I don’t think we’re actually there yet, because of the President’s loose cannon nature. He can’t be counted on to to stay on message, and will change direction wildly based on the last thing someone said to him.

I sincerely hope saner heads prevail sooner rather than later, but this is at least going into next week. Today’s about photo ops at the border, which will lead to nothing of consequence (except for, perhaps, further inflamed tensions), and nobody in Washington works on Fridays anyway.

In the meantime, my fellow public servants are getting the screws.

One interesting thing, though, that’s getting lots of play the last day or two, is a quote from a Trump voter in Florida who, in the fine tradition of Trump voters, keeps saying the quiet parts loud, and giving us an interesting, if depressing window into the psyche of a significant chunk of America:

“I voted for him, and he’s the one who’s doing this,” she said of Mr. Trump. “I thought he was going to do good things. He’s not hurting the people he needs to be hurting.”

It’s never been about helping anyone; as expressed above, it’s all about stomping on the necks of the people they don’t like. And that is what really makes concerned for us as a nation.


back in the saddle


Although the weather is threatening to get weird again as we slide into the back half of the week, yesterday afternoon it was flirting with 70°, so I prepared by strapping the bike on the back of the car on Monday evening and threw some riding clothes into the man-bag, and hit the trail after work for my first ride of 2019. I’d been off the bike a couple of weeks (the weather’s been a mess and life’s gotten in the way), and after putting eleven muddy miles behind me, I felt a lot better than I had in a while. The outdoors (especially the woods along this stretch of river these days) is my happy place, and I’ve missed it.

Let’s hope it sticks.

My last couple of posts have been pretty dire, to be honest, but they were honest. I’ve been pretty dire lately myself. Depression, especially around the holidays, is a struggle, and I’ve been doing my best to struggle against it, though it doesn’t always work. I did have a wonderful time with my friends this weekend at the holiday party I talked about, and am looking forward to seeing them again next weekend at Marscon, where I’ve got a couple of shows with the Humdingers, and I’m really looking to playing some music with all of my beloved nerd/music community.

But first, I’ve got my first official stage “gig” of the year Wednesday night at Isley, for open mic. It’s not paid, or professional, or anything but informal, but it’s an outlet, the people there seem appreciative of what I do, and playing music is my other happy place, so I think it’ll help. Especially because Isley has great beer, and in a perefect storm of awesome, Curry In A Hurry will be parked outside selling some of the best food truck fare in the city. I’m looking forward to it.


friday random elevenish: “I’m trying” edition


So. Yeah.

Given the ennui bomb I dropped in the last post, I kind of set the tone for my first (albeit short) week back at the office. Yesterday was, in spite of some generally good news from the program (problems fixed in my absence, potential schedule shift giving me an extra eight weeks or so to correct further issues – due, unfortunately, to the fact that my friends in other parts of the public sector aren’t working because of this garbage), a rough one. Given that I’d come off a less than totally relaxing holiday, and not quite knowing what I’d find back at the office, and fighting some sort of weird sinus thing, and the general wallowing I’ve been stuck in, I was not my best self by the end of the day.

The end of my week looks a little better, what with cancelled meetings and general quiet. I’ll get through it.

As I say in the post title, and have been saying in response to the question “How are you doing?” all week, I’m trying.

The weekend’s got some potential fun in it, if I can get over myself; dear friends are having their annual holiday party on Saturday up in NoVA, and we’ll be there to join the revels and catch up. I’m going to do my best to put on my best face, because I owe it to my friends to be my best self, and heck, I owe it to myself to be my best self.

That’s really about the size of it. Again, I’m trying.

Here’s some tunes – getting most of the usual suspects out of the way right out front; otherwise, not bad.

  1. “Strictly Genteel (Live in Chicago 1978) – Frank Zappa
  2. “Nursie” – Jethro Tull
  3. “Get You Alone” – The Donnas
  4. “Ceremony” – New Order
  5. “Welcome to the Jungle” – Guns N’ Roses
  6. “Everything Now” – Arcade Fire
  7. “Dodged A Bullet” – Alice Jemima
  8. “Kiss-And-Ride” – Bratmobile
  9. “Wild Wild Life” – Talking Heads
  10. “Was Nicht Darf” – Varg
  11. “How Long” – Ace
  12. “Eternal Flame” – The Bangles

end of the line


Today, January 2, is my last day of my so-called “Christmas Break”.

All told, it was some time away from work. I got some stuff done, got some books read, played a little music, and, I guess, didn’t think too hard about project deadlines for a couple of weeks, but at the same time, it wasn’t the restful and rejuvenating time I was kind of hoping it would be.

The holidays always hit me with a bit of melancholy; mostly because of the pressure to do the traditional things, when those don’t always work for me. There’s also a bit of mourning; not so much for loved ones lost (though there is that), but a mourning of possibilities of what our culture tells me things ought to be like, as opposed to what the ended up being. This is, song lyrics aside, decidedly *not* the most wonderful time of the year, at least from where I’m sitting.

It probably didn’t help that I started off the year finishing Bruce Springsteen’s autobiography, Born To Run, which is a great book that I’d recommend, though the way Springsteen describes his struggle with depression and anxiety really speaks to me; his descriptions of his experience come really close to describing mine; my lovely spouse tells me that’s because we’re both musicians and that our perspectives are similar.

She’s probably right, but I was just startled to be compared to Bruce Springsteen.

Oh well; I may look into changing up my annual leave use patterns this year; this holiday season, capping off a year as unanimously regarded in the negative as 2018 was, didn’t really clear the decks the way I’d have liked.


the past comes crystal clear – 2018 in review


It’s Sunday evening, December 30, as I write this. After spending a nice afternoon out catching a pretty decent jazz trio at Castleburg and maybe stumbling into another open mic/performance/emcee opportunity at another venue in Scott’s Addition (we’ll see where that goes in the coming weeks…), I’m sitting at my kitchen table drinking a Jameson and Diet Coke, setting aside my library copy of the Springsteen autobiography (I watched Springsteen on Broadway on Netflix the other evening, which was at least partially inspired/adapted from the book, titled, kinda obviously, “Born to Run”) to pop open the laptop, figuring it’s time to reflect, as a little bit of alcohol in the system inspires, on the past (reference my friend Mikey Mason’s “Drunkards and Philosophers” AKA “Beer Powered Time Machine”, though we all know the original is better, and one of my favorite songs ever), and given the particular moment, with thirty hours or so left until the calendar turns over, on the past year.

It’s really kind of been a mixed bag, if I’m to be completely honest. The nation is in turmoil, with the economy churning, the stock market swinging wildly by hundreds or thousands of points each day, depending on the whims of the President’s 5:00 AM toilet tweets; the government’s been shutdown again (though not my part this time) for the third time in a year, and the Cabinet has a turnover rate of over 30%, with my Department without an official lead after a dramatic resignation letter/never mind, “You’re Fired” sort of situation last week. I don’t see that improving in the new year, to be completely honest. It is, as has been described many times, a Dumpster Fire™ and will probably only get more interesting when the new Congress takes over next week. I shall be watching closely; but more importantly, my pay pool/salary adjustments based on the case I made with the “look how awesome I am” write-up a few months back will take effect (I’m no longer on the GS schedule, but the NH, and I’m not sure how this bullshit applies to me), and I’ll know whether all the hassles I have to put up with are going to be worth putting up with for another year, of if I should start seriously shopping for another position in the public service (with 22 years in, the pension’s hard to give up) and be a rat diving off a sinking ship (which the rumors say my particular organization likely is). I dunno.

Outside of the whole career thing, this year’s not been awful. I’ve kept myself at a pretty consistent weight, and my doctor tells me I’m doing all the right things; I’m a bit behind ’17 on my biking miles (I blame the month I spent in Aberdeen MD for work, though I hiked a hell of a lot), but I did a 35 miler this summer, and I’m averaging 200+ push-ups a day in 50 rep sets, so my physical health remains pretty great, and I think the doc and I have found a decent regimen of drugs to deal with my anxiety/chronic depression. I am, weirdly enough, in the best shape of my life at age 44. I still struggle with stress and anxiety, but it could be a hell of a lot worse.

Musically, I may have had the best year ever, looking back at it. I’ve had my work released on two different CDs (Fantastic Geeks and Where To Find Them and a pop-in on Metricula’s peformance on Streamer Song Swap Vol. 2), performed on both coasts (both solo and as part of various bands), and all over the mid-Atlantic region, as part of the Blibbering Humdingers, Dimensional Riffs, and under my own name at a bunch of open mic opportunities and filk convention 2x10s, had music I’ve been involved with get airplay on podcasts all over the internet, and got my first songwriting credit on a recording (even if it went over like a lead balloon every time we’ve played it live), been accused of being a musical whore for hire (I sat in with *four* different bands at Ravencon 13.5 this year, as well as other folks here and there), wrote a metric assload of songs as part of February Album Writing Month, and maybe six or seven of them are any good. Also, starting in February, I’ll be hosting a monthly open mic night at Castleburg Brewery and Taproom, which I really hope goes well, and I’ve got some other feelers out there (as mentioned above). Also, I think 2019 might be the year the Chuck (or whatever I decide to call myself) album will actually surface. It helps that I’ve found a wonderfully supportive musical community who encourages me and makes me feel like I’m valued; I’ve really, finally, gotten some confidence in my role as a solo performer and vocalist, and it’s pretty damned awesome.

As far as the family goes, my eldest and youngest continue to kick all kinds of ass at their various school endeavors, and my middle child has finally seemed to mostly find his footing with school, passing everything for the first half of the year, and starting to play guitar as well, and it’s given us something to bond over a bit, which is really rather nice. Also, my lovely wife has really started working in earnest on her business of creating clothes and Irish Dance solo dresses (we’ve spent winter break setting up her sewing space), which I think is really going to be successful, based on the work she’s done this year.

So….yeah. Work kinda sucks, the world kinda sucks, but personally, I’m healthy and successful in the pieces of my life that I get real validation from. I think I can live with that. I’m really hoping that this coming year goes well – I’m not sure what I want, though I’d like to continue the success in the personal and creative stuff that really matters to me, and maybe make a little more money and maybe even some validation (I’m not holding out for pure satisfaction) in my professional endeavors, so I can get my financial house in better order.

So yeah, that’s really about where things sit for now. I usually do a “by the numbers” post, and I still might, but who the hell knows. I might just coast through the rest of the year and enjoy myself.


christmas eve, and some promo


Yes, I’ve been absent this space for more than a week. No matter, I warned you all.

The last week’s been pretty productive, if expensive. Christmas shopping is done, since, well, Christmas is like two and a half hours from when I’m typing this. I’ve gotten quite a bit done in the last nine days, actually. I’ve done a bunch of laundry, cooked some awesome meals, cleaned up a bunch of leaves in the yard, kicked some ass on Team Fortress 2, washed the car, and drunk a few beers. Well, more than a few….but it’s the holidays.

I also booked a neat new side gig for Next Year – seems I’m hosting a monthly Open Mic at Castleburg Brewery and Taproom in the city starting in February. As I’ve mentioned previously, Castleburg has a gorgeous room, an amazing sound system, and some great beer. I asked about whether they hosted an open mic a few weeks back when I stopped in, and ended up booking a meeting with the awesome manager, Rhonda, this week to talk about me hosting such a thing in the space. The first one is scheduled for February 20, 2019, and I really want it to be successful, so I’m going to promote the hell out of it until then, as is appropriate.

So that’s the promo here. Expect to see lots more in the next 8 weeks or so.

In any case, as I posted on social media earlier today:

Have a great whatever it is you celebrate, friends …or if it’s already been celebrated, I hope it *was* great….or if you don’t celebrate anything, that’s cool too.

Anyway, I wish you well. All of you. 😊❤👍

That about says it all. Enjoy your holidays, folks!


friday random elevenish: “clockwatching away on the last day of my year” edition


Today is the last official* day of my work year, and I’m counting the minutes, as the watermarked stock photo image above suggests. I haven’t taken that much time off in 2018, and given my level of seniority and the kind of leave I earn, the concept of “use-or-lose” comes into play, so I have two weeks or so to burn. It’s also the habit I’ve gotten into over the last few years anyway, as it works for me, and let’s be honest, here in the public sector, we basically shut down (let’s hope only figuratively, though my department won’t be subject to this one, we’re one of the few that got full-year funding) anyway.

As is also my habit, I’m not making much in the way of plans for the holidays, either. My two week constitutional will largely consist of me sticking close to home, and not doing much of anything unless I or the household chooses. As I say every year about this time, I made the choice to not do the typical holiday-obligation travel a while back, and my sanity is so much the better for it. My lovely spouse and I dragged three young kids and their attendant stuff all over the place for years, and it wasn’t at all relaxing or enjoyable. I’m not going to do it now with three adult-sized kids and their different attendant stuff now. If people want to see me, they know where to find me. I’m going to take two weeks of “me/us” time, just chilling at the house, cook some meals, catch some Pokémon and maybe a couple of movies, hit a few breweries, and just relax.

It’s been a hell of a year, full of senior-level briefings and program “murder boards”, exams, apocalyptic current events, the 24 hour news cycle, and all kinds of other stress. We all deserve a break where we don’t have to think about it too hard and just enjoy the days as they come.

I do have a short overnight planned for the weekend; the Blibbering Humdingers (along with our friends Hawthorn and Holly) are playing a couple of sets each at Cavendish Brewing Company’s “Christmas in Hogsmeade” event down in Gastonia, NC on Saturday. Cavendish (which I discovered at ConCarolinas’ “Heavy Metal and a Pint” panel last year), tends to do some neat, geeky events and this Potter-themed event is one of them. They’ve got stuff going most of the day, and the lovely spouse and I plan on getting down there a few hours early, enjoy some time with friends, drink a few pints, and generally get a break from the snowed-in conditions from earlier this week.

It’s actually been a pretty good week for music overall; with the light crowd at Isley this week, I ended up playing a 40 minute solo set to a small-but-enthusiastic crowd, including a few weird Christmas tunes and a handful of my own compositions, and it went *really* well (there may be some video out there online if you look hard enough). I also got some feelers this week about a potentially cool development in town that might open up some more performance opportunities, though I’m not going to say anything more for now, so as not to jinx it, but if we pull it together (I’ll know more next week), it’ll be pretty neat.

So, that’s it, really. I kinda doubt I’ll be as regular about posting in this space for the rest of the year – if something cool comes up, I’ll talk about it, and I’ll probably do my semi-traditional year-end wrap up posts, because I’m so very anal about that, and while it hasn’t posted yet, The A/V Club’s annual “Year in Band Names” will arrive shortly, and I always share my enjoyment of that with my adoring public, such as you are.

In any case, that’s the state of CdPdN for now. All that’s left to do, given that it’s Friday, is to share my random play-list; a little longer because I’m just enjoying the background noise while shutting down the shop for the year. While heavy on the modern indie, it of course devolves into what every playlist for Pandora eventually devolves into for me – Zappa, Bowie, and The Donnas. That last one though is always a welcome surprise, as it’s got one of the best guitar solos of the hair metal/power ballad era on it – never not worth a listen:

  1. “Right Before My Eyes” – Cage the Elephant
  2. “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” – The Proclaimers
  3. “Chicken: 30” – The Coathangers
  4. “Simply Irresistable” – Robert Palmer
  5. “No One’s Gonna Love You” – Band of Horses
  6. “Crazy” – Gnarls Barkley
  7. “Overkill” – Men At Work
  8. “Heroes” – David Bowie
  9. “Pygmy Twylyte (live 12-10-73 – show 1)” – Frank Zappa
  10. “Broadsword” – Jethro Tull
  11. “Laid” – James
  12. “Decide” – Heavens to Betsy
  13. “Drivin’ Through My Heart
  14. “I Remember You” – Skid Row


* – I shall have my work laptop within reach at home should I hear that the project goes pear shaped, but I don’t expect that to happen, and I’m not one to choose to work on my own time, even if other suckers people around here do.


frozen nostalgia


So, I ended up getting two days off of work thanks to the twelve-to-fourteen(!) inches of snow Mother Nature saw fit to dump on my section of the mid-Atlantic starting early Sunday morning; so early, in fact that they cancelled the 5k the youngest and I were going to run that afternoon. Oh well, I made a huge pot of vegetable soup, watched Real Genius, played a few hours of this ridiculous video game called OnRush, which is all about crashing cars into each other, which is cathartic.

The storm, as I discussed with someone I met Tuesday night, originally from Bloomsburg PA, of all places, was an awful lot like the storms growing up in NE PA; lots of snow, lots of shovelling, but otherwise not inconvenient; no power going out, no blocked roads…it was nice.

Otherwise, the weekend was not bad; took a trip over to Hardywood to eat Mac and Cheese from the food truck and pick up a couple of bottles of GBS variants, but not the ones everyone else standing in the long line(!) were grabbing, mostly Kentucky Christmas Morning – coffee and bourbon barrels. The whole city goes nuts for this brew – this satiric article is awfully close to the truth). Ran into a few friends; it was nice. The lovely wife and I spent our evening at the Castleburg taproom catching a couple of sets from The Sequels, a pretty great country-rock americana band. It was a nice bit of time out before we got snowed in.

In less interesting news, my brand new Windows 10 laptop decided it was going to be difficult – I’ve put it in timeout for a couple of days until I get the motivation to really fix it – backups and factory resets thanks to garbage updates from Microsoft. If it doesn’t get itself in gear, I’m gonna threaten to install Ubuntu.

For Monday, I was up early shoveling the driveway. On Tuesday, the lovely wife and I ventured out a bit around lunchtime to hit the library and take care of a couple of errands, and I got a little stir crazy by Tuesday morning, so I headed out to wander around the local park and watch geese over the James.

Starting Wednesday, it’s back to work, starting to put things to bed so I can take my leave after Friday.


friday random elevenish: “apparently i’m important to people besides my cat” edition


Today looks relatively quiet, especially after yesterday, where it seemed I was stuck briefing all the important people everywhere. As I said on social media, even two decades in public service, up here near the top of the pay scale, it’s weird to know that on a semi-regular basis, my voice echoes through the august corridors of power (even if it’s only playing through a speakerphone).

Beyond that, work’s been largely about spinning things up to operate without me. At closing time today, I’m down to five more workdays (maybe less if something I talk about later impacts things) before my holiday break. My tech lead is being a little alarmist about progress, but as I’m figuring out, that’s just the way he is, and he’ll pull a Scotty-level save out at the last minute.

Otherwise, this week has not been ridiculously busy. Housework, being followed around by the kitten, longing for the sweet release of retirement…you know, the usual. As mentioned previously, I had the day off on Wednesday, and did relatively little, beyond taking a trip through whiteout snow conditions to the other side of town so my lovely spouse could pick up some specialty elastic to finish a sewing project. The snow was all gone by the time we left the region an hour later after our shopping and a rare mid-week lunch date (although we actually did that *twice* this week, as she met me on Monday so she could retreive the wallet she left in my car!), but it was neat while it lasted.

Of course, the whole mid-Atlantic region is panicking now, on the radio, on my office email, in the high school halls, in the shopping malls (♫ Conform or Be Cast Out!♫) and elsewhere about the storm predicted for Sunday/Monday. The latest I’m getting from the NWS is only two inches or so, though other models folks are talking (including my resident weather hobbyist friend) about give us more. I’m mostly concerned it’s going to wreck my plans with the youngest on Sunday to run the 5k in the afternoon. We’re keeping our eye on it.

Otherwise, nothing else really on tap for the weekend from my end. If you happen to be in the Pacific Northwest, consider checking out the Weekend of Wizardry in Tacoma, Washington, where a ton of my wrock friends are going to be, including my bandmates from the Blibbering Humdingers. If you’re somewhere else, there’s almost certainly something cool going on in your neck of the woods.

With that, I’m going to leave things as they are, except to present today’s random playlist, which is heavy on post-punk alternative this time around, but that’s okay with me:

  1. “Skip Under Lide” – Lumsk
  2. “Didya Think” – Arlie
  3. “Photograph” – Def Leppard
  4. “Pictures of You” – The Cure
  5. “I Turn My Camera On” – Spoon
  6. “Every Breath You Take” – The Police
  7. “Thick as a Brick”- Jethro Tull
  8. “Time After Time” – Cyndi Lauper
  9. “Change” – The Revivalists
  10. “Ruler of Everything” – Tally Hall
  11. “Jungle Bird” – Punch Brothers
  12. “White Wedding” – Billy Idol
  13. “Under The Milky Way (Acoustic Version)” – The Church
  14. “Come With Me Now” – Kongos

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