F**K off, please.

it’s been a tough couple of weeks. No particular thing to point to beyond life and chemical imbalances; it’s just hitting extra hard right now after my working so very hard to hold things together last week, which, on top of other stuff previously expressed, involved begging executive level management for a few million dollars and dealing with some unnecessary information hoarding around the office, and some cyclical household budget stress.

F**k off also, money.

Logically, I can tell that things are moving forward toward better things, but logic and this sort of thing operate on fundamentally different planes of existence, and don’t actually intersect. You can *know* things, but knowledge doesn’t always overcome brain chemistry; no matter how much I would *love* to just cheer up right now, things just don’t work that way.

Anyway, this might be more than you need or care to know about, but I’ve seen firsthand what not talking about this sort of stuff can do to people, and promised myself several years ago that I wasn’t going to perpetuate the “not talking about it” status quo when it comes to things like clinical depression. Most of my motivation is completely altruistic in the sense that talking about it takes some of the stigma away (I’ve got nothing to be embarassed about); which might help someone else, and in talking about things, even in generalities in a public forum like this, is useful for providing information (this link or this one are both pretty helpful), and getting information out there about stuff like this has never hurt anyone in the long run.

As I always say in these sorts of situations, if you’re engaging with me on a personal basis, please be patient; this isn’t my first rodeo; I know this cycle’s going to pass, and I could see it coming (I know the kind of stuff that triggers these things), which makes it easier. I’ll come out the other side, I always do.

One thing that gave me a little respite from wallowing was watching most of The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt on Netflix this weekend; it’s very funny, balancing the borders between dark, light, inappropriate, and true in all the right ways. Plus, there’s the shame puppet.

So, by way of explanation and as a public service, that’s where I am.