Wanna know about the music I make? Here’s the info:

A performer for more than 35 years, Chuck Parker has filled many musical roles: heavy metal guitarist, singer/songwriter, jazz sideman, open mic host, filk circle regular, session player, and World’s Okayest Bassist™.

Chuck has been a regular on the con circuit for more than a decade, and he’s played ballrooms, biergartens and backyards all over the country, both as a solo performer and as the bassist for wizard rock icons The Blibbering Humdingers. He plays slice of life, confessional geek tunes that are often kind of funny, and his lyrics have been called “sensitive”, “literate”, and “hard to sing…”

He is also a published poet, avid cyclist, spouse, father, and a herder of cats, both figuratively and literally.

Tunes:

• Bandcamp: Songs/Albums for sale/download
• Spotify
• Apple Music
• YouTube Artist Channel
• …and very likely on your other favorite streaming service!
• The Blibbering Humdingers, the wizard rock/nerdmusik band I’ve played bass with for most of the last ten years
• Stuff I Made – live recordings, other people’s records I’ve appeared on, rare stuff, writing, etc…

Gigs

• Chuck’s Gigs Page

Thanks for checking in, and if you like, stick around to read two decades’ worth of blog posts!

Once again, it’s time for Ravencon this weekend, April 25 through 27, and once again, I’ll be doing my thing at my “hometown” convention! It’s always a good time, with good friends, great creativity (including music, writing, cosplay, film, art, and anything else you can imagine!), and tons of fun! I’m playing a couple of shows and doing a bunch of panels, and here’s when they are, using the snazzy “come find me” template the con provided:

There will be hundreds of hours of programming throughout the weekend, all of it described here in the program book! If you’re anywhere near RVA this weekend, you should seriously consider coming out!

As the title of this post suggests, we’re smack in the middle of that stretch of springtime with a total dearth of federal holidays; this year with 96 days between Washington’s Birthday (observed) and Memorial Day. In public service, one can usually count on a long weekend or some such break every six weeks or so, but not so at this point in the year. It’s always kind of a drag on the psyche in the best of years, and as we’re all aware, this year is pretty much the exact opposite of that.

I’ve also not taken much personal leave these last few months, given the current uncertainties, as a strategic measure, given the fact that should my current employ not be continued due to whatever, annual leave would pay out in a lump sum, which would end up being a not-insignificant amount after tax; two or three paychecks, which could make a hell of a difference under those circumstances.

So, it’s been a slog, and there aren’t enough hours in a weekend to allow for regular decompression, especially right now.

Even so, his weekend was actually pretty decent. I got a bunch of things accomplished – groceries, grass mowing, wrapping up at least one of those automotive tasks I alluded to previously. I also spent an enjoyable evening on Saturday with friends at a quite exciting Richmond Kickers match, got a few more episodes of Ted Lasso in, took a nice long bike ride and found my endurance hasn’t regressed as much as I’d expected, and had great fun in my not-quite-monthly old-folks Dungeons and Dragons game, this time involving giant fireballs and very high deception and performance roles in support of convincing cultists we were feudal OSHA inspectors.

It was also blessedly free of doom-scrolling the headlines and social media, which I’ve been trying to limit any consumption of anyway, and occasionally succeeding.  Of course, I woke up to more shenanigans and the Pentagon and The Pope talking to JD Vance then promptly setting off to his heavenly reward.

I feel ya, Frank.

That said, productive as it was, it still dodn’t quite provide tge respite required. So, here’s to hoping for a non-eventful work week for all within viewing distance of this wall-o-text; especially me, as I’ll be busy this coming weekend doing my alleged rock star thing at Ravencon (more on that later this week), and I need the rest.

There’s everything and nothing going on all at the same time, and I can’t find motivation or focus for more than two or three hours at a time. Sure, I’ve kind of hit the “acceptance” stage of the whole current American experience and it’s constant threats to my livelihood, but the constant load is a lot.  I’m tired. We all are.

For the folks in charge, of course, that was exactly what they wanted to do. Russell Vought, the current head of OMB, Heritage Foundation guy and Project 2025 architect, has never even been shy about it:

“We want the bureaucrats to be traumatically affected,” he said. “When they wake up in the morning, we want them to not want to go to work because they are increasingly viewed as the villains. We want their funding to be shut down so that the EPA can’t do all of the rules against our energy industry because they have no bandwidth financially to do so.

“We want to put them in trauma.”

And we are.

The shame is, I really like the work I’m doing, and if people in power were really interested in efficiency, the stuff my team is putting together is the exact definition of it – providing visibility, accountability, and putting the focus on the actual problems and doing away with all kinds of time-wasting, bureaucratic bullshit that eats up people’s day instead of the actual work to be done. It’s really neat stuff, and my whole team’s proud of it.

Here I am, doing some of the most meaningful work of my career, and I just can’t get excited about it because of the constant threat that someone is going to yank it out from under me any day now, even if the senior management of my organization keeps telling us how important and essential we are, even if that message is entirely different from what’s coming down Interstate 395 out of Arlington, which constantly tells us we’re all disposable.

It’s a never-ending spiral of crap, but the realities of my place in the career path and what I need in order to maintain the lifestyle to which my family and I are accustomed, it makes the most objective sense to keep doing the thing until they tell me I can’t do the thing anymore (not that the folks I work with who are in different places who intended to take the latest DeRP 2.0 offer, were allowed to take it, because, apparently, for the moment, we’re all considered “mission essential,” at least until the next edict to come down when they decide we aren’t.).

It’s even more of an emotional struggle because as much as I’m carrying here, so many others have it so much worse, so on top of feeling awful and stressed all the time, I feel guilty about my feelings because what I’m dealing with isn’t quite as bad as what some others are dealing with.

So, feeling terribly disengaged from the work because I’m being both told that I’m essential and the villain to be purged simultaneously. Feeling bad about that because I know what it feels like to care about the work and it’s importance. Also feeling guilty for feeling that way because why should I complain when somebody in another agency or disappeared into some Central American dungeon would love to be in the situation I find myself in.

Anyway, sorry for repeating myself week to week.

I’ll save you the impact of my elaboration on non-existential crisis things involving lingering medical stuff, the lack of communication on several automobile-related business transactions in process, the simultaneous relief and feelings of rejection that come with Schroedinger’s response to the application for a musical gig I’m not sure I should take this year anyway, the never-ending cycle of dishwasher repair, and my feeling guilty about wallowing in my own crap that I’m probably not being as supportive as I should be as my lovely spouse steps into some exciting-but-also-scary life changes of her own.

Or maybe I won’t. At least it’s only one paragraph.

This post is brought to you by the following playlist, which feels like a pretty decent hour on a pleasantly-eclectic classic rock station:

1. “Even The Losers”- Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers
2. “L.A. Woman” – Billy Idol
3. “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong” – Spin Doctors
4. “Can’t Get Enough” – Bad Company
5. “Freeze-Frame” – J. Geils Band
6. “Under My Wheels” – Alice Cooper
7. “Pearl Necklace” – ZZ Top
8. “Angela” – Mötley Crüe
9. “Middle of the Road” – Pretenders
10. “Turn Up The Radio” – Autograph
11. “Anytime” –  Journey
12. “Take Me Away” – Blue Oyster Cult
13. “Dream Police” – Cheap Trick

My personal week looked an awful lot like the curve of the stock markets this week. A couple of middling peaks, but mostly trending down and occasionally cratering.

Most of the highs involved interactions with media, which…okay. Since my lovely spouse picked up an iPad a couple of weeks ago (she’s swinging her train into the Apple railyard a bit for various reasons including compatibility and social activism), we’ve got ourselves a three month free trial of AppleTV, so we’ve been exploring the compelling darkness and snark of “Severance” and the relentless positivity of “Ted Lasso.” I’ve been enjoying them both for entirely different reasons, and definitely recommend both. I also gave “Foundation” a shot, and might go down that hole some more; it’s very pretty, and seems to be finding a sufficiently narrow story to tell within Asimov’s sprawling worldbuilding experiment. But mostly, I’m hanging on the fact that I’ll be able to catch the adaptation of Martha Wells’ “Murderbot Diaries” novels, which have been some of the most fun I’ve had with books the last few years, and the trailer they dropped this week really seems to capture the vibe well.

Speaking of books, I’ve also been having a blast with Angela Giddings’ Shadow Into Light, which is everything you’d want in a book, especially if you’re looking for stories about cyberpunk psychic-powered vampire assassins with a wonderfully dry, sarcastic wit. Angela and I were on a panel together at Ret-Con this year (“Tales of the Old Internet”) and we hit it off with our shared musical tastes and experiences in IT. I’ll probably be jumping directly into the sequel.

Apart from those things and a nice dinner out on Monday with some of my work team to celebrate a retirement, it’s been all kinds of down. You’ve likely seen the headlines; you know what’s going on. Add in the couple of memos and executive orders dealing with federal workforce realignment and acquisition reform that impact my 28 year career directly, and a useless and depressing all-hands from the Agency heads on Monday that spent more time blathering on about how important we all are and not at all looking at the fact the folks above them in Government could give two shits (or less) about importance, and that cuts are going to come whether we like it or not. I’m all for leadership advocating for their people, but at the same time, it just doesn’t feel like they’re doing anything to prepare for what’s coming, and one could tell from the submitted questions that the entire workforce is stressed to the limit, and the gossip afterwards definitely showed that the messages from above are doing nothing to minimize that.

Oh, and I had to actually answer a poorly-constructed, quick-turnaround data call from DOGE this week (that was *not* the five bullets thing). They’re now inside the house, and it’s just going to get weirder.

I’ve also been dealing with a period of unpleasant side effects of some of the meds I’m on (I am, as one says, and old, and take some things for chronic conditions), which have me struggling to focus, and wreaking havoc on my digestive system (always fun), and with all the tree and shrub romance going on outside, seasonal allergies are hitting their peak. Yay.

One saving grace heading into the weekend is that there’s not much planned beyond the basics. Groceries, chores, and depending on what the final gravity reading on the beer-in-progress in the fermenter is this evening, I’ll likely be bottling my first batch of ale in nearly thirty years.

So, some tunes. Lots of blues-influenced classic rock ‘n’ roll, with a little bit of hair metal tossed in for good measure (as indicated in previous weeks, I’ve been listening to a lot of mid-period KISS lately, which is right in that wheelhouse). One thing of note is that in spite of the completely generic chord progression on #11, the bass line as recorded really makes this tune pop. There are questions about whether Nikki Sixx ever played bass on the records (and almost certainly uses backing tracks live), though that doesn’t mean it’s not a good listen:

1. “Love Stinks” – J. Geils Band
2. “Every 1’s A Winner” – Gun
3. “No More No More” – Aerosmith
4. “Slide It In” – Whitesnake
5. “Christine Sixteen” – KISS
6. “TV Dinners” – ZZ Top
7. “Bitch” – The Rolling Stones
8. “Stone In Love (2022 Remaster)” – Journey
9. “Fire of Unknown Origin” – Blue Oyster Cult
10. “I Need To Know” – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
11. “Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away): Mötley Crüe
12. “Hey Tonight” – Creedence Clearwater Revival
13. “Synchronicity I” – The Police

Some relatively big events over the past seven days. Cory Booker’s historic, record-breaking (don’t* call it a) Filibuster on Tuesday. Departments dropping DeRP 2.0. Imposing tariffs on penguins. markets falling, along with our retirement accounts.

And me, on Wednesday, falling and landing flat on my back.

Several of these things hit personally, though one in particular. Even with the TENS machine, muscle relaxants, a strong bourbon cocktail Thursday after work and adapted sitting positions, it still hurt like hell.

Yep, wheelie office chair, hardwood floors, and a bad angle of approach. It was, shall we say, awkward.

This turn of events also really sucked because the weather has been beautiful these last couple of days, and I was really looking forward to getting out on the bike to get serious about getting back up to snuff on cycling miles (and drop these 20 pounds the stress and snow and med changes have collected over the winter), but my back just won’t manage it right now.

Oh well, given that the two cars that aren’t normally yellow are yellow right now thanks to the pollen, a consistent fifteen mph on the VCT probably wouldn’t be good for the lungs right now anyway.

Pretty normal week here for an aging man in the current United States…

Aiming for a quiet weekend with very little drama or surprises; healing up, running the usual errands, and popping out to Williamsburg on Saturday to deliver some dance costumes to a friend, and maybe hit up Billsburg for beer and socializing. Sunday, given that we’re looking at a soaking all day rain, it might actually be brew day, as I’ve finally rounded out all the tools and ingredients (thanks to a stop at Original Gravity last weekend) for my first batch of home-brewed beer in nearly 30 years.

With luck, in a couple of weeks (should the basement room stay in line with my temperature tests), I’ll be enjoying a fresh pint of Backache English Brown.

As this is Friday, here are some tunes. Lots of glam/classic rock and adjacent stuff this week, which is find, because that’s what I’d been feeding the algorithm. Going to point out #2 in particular; I’ve not really gone down that particular rabbit hole, but if this track’s any indication, it was really Sammy and Michael that defined the sound of Van Halen circa ’85-96, which I’d always suspected anyway. Also of note is the winner of the most repetitive hard rock single of 1989, coming in at #11, though one has to point out that this self-titled record also included songs titled “Bang Bang” and “Boys (will be) Boys”:

1. “One World” – Dire Straits
2. “Different Devil” – Chickenfoot
3. “Snortin’ Whiskey” – Pat Travers and Carmine Appice
4. “Love to Love” – UFO
5. “Love Can Make You Blind” – Every Mother’s Nightmare
6. “Stay Awake All Night” – Krokus
7. “I Could Be Good For You” – 707
8. “Prove It All Night” – Bruce Springsteen
9. “Heroes” – Hollywood Vampires
10. “World Turning” – Fleetwood Mac
11. “Naughty Naughty”- Danger Danger
12. “Levon” – Elton John

______

* – There’s been some debate as to whether this particular event fits the definition of a filibuster or not, as it wasn’t intended to block or delay a vote on any particular piece of legislation, as previous record-holder Strom Thurmond’s unsuccessful twenty-four hours and eighteen minutes against the Civil Rights Act of 1965 was. It did, however, delay the vote to confirm Matthew Whitaker’s appointment as US Ambassador to NATO by twenty-five hours and four minutes, so I’m going to call it one.

I’m frankly tired of being angry and afraid. The stress of this whole < gestures widely toward this general overall situation > is certainly still there, and festering, but I suspect I’ve just become inured to the constant pressure of all these stressors. It’s not quite numbness, but it’s getting there.

I’d like to think it’s entirely that I’ve made the conscious choice to no longer let the things I can’t control bother me, found serenity and wisdom and all that, but I’m pretty sure I’m just tired.

The weirdness up in Washington this last week has provided equal parts laughs and tears. The whole battle plans over unsecured group chat business is laughable (and created some great memes), though as someone who’s got a clearance and is required to take all kinds of OpSec training every year as part of my job, it’s deeply concerning. First, if I did something even one percent as serious as Secretary WhiskeyLeaks did, I’d simply be “disappeared.” Secondly, given that they’re having that conversation over unsecured channels, what the hell else are they talking about out in the open? It’s grossly incompetent and certainly dangerous.

What’s got me more concerned is the fact that given the numerous instances of edging up against defying court orders by playing “oopsie, too late” about immigration flights, I (and numerous supposedly serious journalists) are honestly concerned that an Andrew Jackson moment is only days or weeks away, and this time, the executive branch won’t just say they won’t act if directed, they’re just going to blatantly flaunt it, and if current patterns hold, I kind of expect that the other two branches will just roll over and accept it.

I mean, if the rest of this hasn’t been a bridge too far, I struggle to believe that throwing the middle finger to the courts is going to be. Once again, the historian in me is fearful of the parallels, and it’s not even necessary to invoke Godwin’s Law.

And finally, and perhaps less to do with oligarchy and authoritarianism (but still at least a little), and more McKinley than Jackson, the threatened 25% tariffs on automobiles is going to hit personally, as just this week I put a reserve deposit down on a vehicle (since I’m selling one of the old ones to one of my kids) from a Japanese manufacturer that’s currently being assembled from parts sourced largely from Japan, Canada, and Mexico, so I’m hoping the really good price we discussed doesn’t jump by $9000 by the time it arrives at the dealership in a few weeks.

So I guess I still am thinking mostly about this whole < gestures widely toward this general overall situation >, but at least I’m not cracking every other day like I was a few weeks back.

I did distract myself for an hour or two with the latest episodes of DareDevil: Born Again, which is proving to be really good, catching some of the same tone of the Netflix version, but working better with a leaner episode count. Also, to continue the “unpopular opinions” from last week, I (unlike a lot of the chatterers online) really, really liked the bottle episode slotted in at episode five, which did a good job of presenting some good character development and connections while being a largely standalone 45 minute adventure that felt like some of the best fill-in stories from the editor’s drawer to plug a gap created by the regular story-driven issue is running behind publishing dates.

Anyway, we’ve got a few things on the agenda this weekend, but mostly just the usual chores, a medical appointment, some outside time, and attending a birthday celebration for our friend Jeff (7-0!) where we’re looking forward to tasting some interesting bourbon folks brought back from a recent trip to Kentucky.

So this is also Friday, so there will, as always, be tunes. In an effort at self-care, I had the algorithm generate a “relaxing mix” playlist based on my “liked” songs and listening history. What it presented is the following, largely composed of lots of guitar-based classic rock and indie falling in at under 65bpm, which is fine. There’s some great stuff here, though, in particular #s 8, 10, and 12 (which is pretty much as perfect a composition as I’ve ever heard):

1. “Walk On the Wild Side” – Lou Reed
2. “The Fool On The Hill” – The Beatles
3. “My Hometown (live)” – Bruce Springsteen
4. “Golden State (live)” – Eddie Vedder and Natalie Maines
5. “Six Blade Knife” – Dire Straits
6. “Coming Back To Life” – Pink Floyd
7. “Ode To My Family” – The Cranberries
8. “If We Were Vampires” – Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit
9. “Follow You Follow Me” – Genesis
10. “In Your Eyes (live)” – Jeffrey Gaines
11. “Everybody Hurts” – R.E.M.
12. “Watermelon In Easter Hay” – Frank Zappa

One more week down, and the work slog continues, in part because Schumer indeed did fold (though it remains to be seen if he’s as capable of 4-D chess as the red hats claim TFG is), and the shutdown was put off, at least until at some point in the summer when the debt ceiling runs out again…

All through the weekend, there were rumors in the usual places of VERA/VSIP being offered in my Department, though I’ve yet to see anything official. That said, I ran a bunch of speculative numbers based on conjecture and existing statute (if such a thing even matters anymore), and determined that it makes a heck of a lot more financial sense to keep plugging away five days a week until such time as they decide to kick me to the curb, or some other new weirdness happens (like, say, this executive order, which might sound like a good idea, until you read more deeply with my kind of professional experience and realize it’s a shitshow that will just cost more long term, and likely further endanger my career…).

I have been playing the boss again this week, and bumping up against implied vs. direct authority, because this neat tool we’ve been building the last most-of-a-year is ready for prime time in terms of logic and queries and report displays, though the output is only as good as the project data that the PMs feed into it, and so far, they’re not really doing it, and their bosses aren’t really pushing for it. it’s frustrating. That said, the CIO wants it demoed to her next week, and if somebody’s project shows up as overdue simply because they forgot to update schedule dates, I expect the big boss coming down on them will motivate them rather quickly.

So, yeah, that’s work. In other news, I sat for my yearly eye exam, took the dog for a couple of long walks, and splurged on myself by buying a pair of tickets to the Aimee Mann/Jonathan Coulton show in town in June, because I needed something to look forward to, even I was unsure about my financial future, and the tickets were remarkably inexpensive.

Sometimes you just need to do some nice things for yourself.

I am going to do something else nice for myself this weekend; apart from the usual chores, the Lovely Spouse and I going to hang out with our hooligan friends at the home opener for The Richmond Kickers, drink a few local brews, and shout all the fun nonsense from Section O with the rest of the Red Army.

As for that unpopular opinion in the title? I spent some time this week listening to middling-period early 80s KISS this week while refreshing queries, and in spite of Gene calling it a “shitty album,” I kind of think Unmasked is one of my preferred KISS records (mostly because of the Ace Frehley tunes, and his guitar tone throughout), along with Dynasty…long live Disco KISS.

Listening to that sort of thing likely informed the selection generated by the algorithms this week. Lots of 70s and 80s prog and hair metal, and a record I got way too enthused for back when it came out in 1991, and even though I still enjoy it, it’s not as great as it probably could have been, especially if there were more pinched harmonics in the guitar solos (which is probably another unpopular opinion)…

1. “Goodbye Love” – Geordie
2. “Gimme Gimme Good Lovin'” – Helix
3. “Thrive” – Ȧelsund
4. “Kashmir” – Lez Zeppelin
5. “High School Confidential” – Rough Trade
6. “Games People Play” – Alan Parsons Project
7. “Inside Out” – XYZ
8. “Five Long Years” – Colin James
9. “Don’t Close Your Eyes” – KIX
10. “I Don’t Love You Anymore” – The Quireboys
11. “Ballad of Youth” – Richie Sambora
12. “It Doesn’t Really Matter” – Platinum Blonde
13. “All Lips ‘n’ Hips” – Electric Boys

Staring down another Friday, another shutdown threat, and this one’s even more loaded than usual. The seven month(!) continuing resolution that passed the House earlier this week is total hot garbage, and calling it “clean” is even more of a fiction than usual, as it cuts all kinds of funding for necessary services, and perhaps most importantly, is written in such a way that it gives dubious cover for the White House to continue violating Articles One and Two by refusing the spend money Congress has lawfully allocated, giving work-wife Elon and his five bullets the same cover to keep illegally firing my fellow civil servants.

Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I didn’t have such a good understanding of how government worked. Damn my social studies degree!

Anyway, the Senate’s got to approve this before midnight Friday or the government shuts down. Given the rather narrow party split and the need for sixty votes to get this thing passed, all eyes are on the Democrats in order to read the tea leaves about whether enough of them will vote *for* this thing. The media’s spinning all kinds of speculation based on various overheard partial comments, but nobody really knows anything. Many are counting on the Senator Schumer not being able to keep the caucus together and allow the eight votes needed to pass this to bleed away, which is certainly possible, given the evidence of history, but the only publicly professed “yes” vote is Fetterman, who, given his experiences since his election, while never having been really far-left, likely has a very different perspective on things than he did then. Mental health and brain issues suck; believe me, I know.

That said, both of my Senators have publicly stated they’re voting “no,” and I choose to believe it was because I called and emailed this week to tell them to do just that. Yay, active participation.

Yes, a shutdown could be a serious inconvenience to me, the 28 year career civil servant. The thing is, pretty much everyone I’ve encountered in the federal workforce community is rooting for the shutdown to happen, because it’s the only leverage anyone has to limit the wholesale gutting of the federal workforce that’s already happening*. I’m not naive enough to believe anyone will be able to completely stop things, but if the Democrats can obstruct enough, and call their bluff on this garbage bill (which they’re characterizing as the only option to avoid a shutdown, which is like telling someone to drink the beverage they just saw the date rapist drop the roofies in), they can at least limit the damage by doing the thing lawfully according to established Reduction in Force procedures, and doing right by the people who’ll be losing their jobs, by doing it fairly, and offering reasonable, fair recompense.

Then when the bureaucracy is completely unable to function after it’s been bled dry, they can make the MAGA idiot own that shit.

Yes, I’m taking this personally, because it’s my life (♫ and it’s now or never ♫). and I am seriously struggling mentally and physically, not knowing what the next day’s going to bring. When I say “fair recompense” above, I’ve been running a lot of speculative numbers regarding acronyms like VERA and VSIP, should they be offered, to see how doable it is for someone like me to get out of the way so someone more junior who needs it more can keep their job.

I didn’t think I’d ever be seriously looking at retirement at my age, but that’s where we are. Major life decisions like that are not what I was planning on dealing with right now.

Anyway, here are some tunes, because I’m tired of thinking about all this for the moment. What the heck, I’ll feed that song I alluded to a couple of paragraphs ago (the live in Toronto, 2000 version) into the algorithm to see what it spits out. I’m going to go take dog for a long walk along the river:

1. “It’s My Life (live)” – Bon Jovi
2. “Hard to Find the Words” – Cinderella
3. “I Want To Break Free (live)” – Queen
4. “No One at All” – Firehouse
5. “Mr Brightside (live)” – The Killers
6. “My Paradise” – The Outfield
7. “The One I Love (live)” – R.E.M.
8. “Don’t Stop Believin’ (live)” – Journey
9. “Selling The Drama (live)” – Live
10. “Walk of Live (live)” – Dire Straits
11. “Thunderstruck (live)” – AC/DC

________________________________

* – also, while we’re all dreaming of a quick resolution to all of this and an end to all the teasing and poking and prodding, we could use a f*cking break.

So, Ret-Con last week was cool. I was made to feel very welcome by all, and had fun doing neat panels, even if I didn’t get much of an audience for my show. Oh well, it happens.

This past week in the real world, as you might imagine, seriously sucked, apart from my regular after-work walk with the dog. Stress in the public sector is through the roof. We’re working long hours right now to get all the things we can done before the expected shutdown in two weeks, Elon’s “five things” email to train his AIs, and the regular dispatch from the agency Chief of Staff Thursday morning finally including the acronym RIF. And that’s not even including being insulted regularly as a class and a human being by the guy at the top of the org chart.

So yeah, I’ve not been the best frame of mind. I’ve been so damned emotionally broken (tears and random breakdowns all week; I cried while watching Godzilla X Kong: New Empire…) that I’ve barely been able to pick up a guitar, and I have ConVivial this weekend, where I’m playing FIVE shows in different configurations, and I really hope I’m up to it.

That said, I will be surrounded by good, supportive friends who I love very much; they are very much a family, and I cherish them, and will always feel welcome. If I’m wearing a little more of a mask behind the guitar or playing less complex bass parts than usual, they’ll understand and I’ll get by. Besides, the new records (mine, and the new Humdingers record we put out this week) are really good, and I’m looking forward to sharing them.

Anyway, for the curious, here’s where I’ll be when:

• Friday 4pm – Chuck Parker Concert, Richmond Hall B+C
• Friday 5pm – Rise of Nostalgia Panel, New Market C
• Friday 8pm – Blibbering Humdingers Concert, Richmond Hall B+C
• Saturday, 2pm – DIY Music Production Panel, New Market B
• Saturday 4pm, – Dimensional Riffs Concert, Richmond Hall B+C
• Saturday 8pm – Guest Meet & Greet, Richmond Hall B+C
• Saturday 9pm – Blibbering Humdingers Concert, Richmond Hall B+C
• Sunday 11am – Role of Music in Pop Culture Panel, New Market C

So yeah, I’ll be pretty busy, looks like. When I’m not doing these things, I’ll be otherwise catching up with friends, listening to more live music, and trying to drink other people’s booze (hey, it worked last weekend!).

But anyway, I’m really hoping I can keep it together. It’s hard.

Anyway – some tunes. The first one on this list is a banger, as the kids say:

1. “Jealous Moon” – Sarah Jarosz
2. “People Watching” – Sam Fender
3. “Helplessness Blues” – Fleet Foxes
4. “Your Spark (Blows Me To Pieces)” – Cardinal Black
5. “Dirty Laundry” – Don Henley
6. “The Low Spark of High-Heeled Boots” – Traffic
7. “Old Tape” – Lucius
8. “Bobcaygeon” – The Tragically Hip
9. “If I Had A Boat” – Lyle Lovett
10. “Tomorrow Wendy” – Concrete Blonde
11. “Cutting Teeth” – Dear Rouge

So….yeah. Another week; thousands of probationary employees all over the government fired, so many of us glued to r/fednews for the latest rumors, all-hands Teams meetings where HR guys in rumpled suits allude to “huge RIF” using all kinds of words except for those two. The new SECDEF (who’s a moron) doing a video townhall talking about huge cuts to budget and people, but still building “the biggest, most badass military on the planet” and My Agency CIO (an amazing human being) telling us all that “maybe you should probably download a personal copy of your personnel file; just in case.”

Plus, we’re three weeks out from what’s likely to be the longest government shutdown in history, not just because Republicans in Congress can’t agree on how to do a budget, but also because the administration wants to stress out public servants even further and drive more of us out.

My therapist and I had a lot to talk about this week.

In spite of it all, I’ve been managing to keep a lot of the worst of the affects of the stress at bay. I’ve got a decent local support network, probably the best team I’ve ever been part of at work (and we’re making some really cool things lately), and being February, I’ve got a great online community of creative people to share ideas with over at fawm. A lot of us are writing a lot of therapy songs.

I’ve also been trying to unplug a bit when I’m not working – the weather’s been uniformly shit (though the dog, who’s also been a lifesaver for me, loves this batch of snow), but I’ve gotten out to spend a spare hour with friends after work over a drink a couple of times, and I’ve been digging into the mindless joy of the MonsterVerse series. Sometimes watching giant CG Kaiju beating the crap out of each other and destroying CG cities is exactly what you need.

That said, I’m struggling to get excited about much right now; even with the good, there’s a lot of just…numbness

Friday at work’s a half-day, after which I pack up and head down to Raleigh for Ret-Con, to play some music and sit a couple of panels with some Research Triangle nerds, and while I am looking forward to it, I’m struggling to muster enthusiasm. I’ll put on a good show, because a lot of these folks are part of the hometown crowd, like me, and haven’t heard the new record yet, but it’s going to be a bigger mask than usual.

But, if you’re in the area, here’s where I’m scheduled to be:

• Friday, 5pm: Oak – Home Recording & Distribution
• Saturday, 12pm, Dogwood – Comics You Should Read
• Saturday, 3pm, Camellia – Cult Favorites
• Saturday, 7pm, Camellia – Live Music: Chuck Parker
• Sunday, 10am, Dogwood – Tales from the Old Internet

Otherwise, of course, if there’s formal or informal music happening somewhere that doesn’t conflict with my official schedule, I’ll likely be there, and as the con’s using my PA for the weekend, I bet I’ll be running sound at least a little bit…

Now that politics, wallowing, and promo is out of the way, here’s what the algorithm pushed out this week. Tons of indie and such, with a particular favorite artist landing in there at #10. If you don’t know Katie Crutchfield/Waxahatchee, you owe it to yourself to go dig in; it’s great stuff:

1. “If I Know You” – Bonnie Light Horseman
2. “Weighing Down” – Julian Taylor
3. “Only You” – Evan Blix
4. “The Willow” – The Damn Truth
5. “Your House” – Inhaler
6. “Mama” – Cam Cole
7. “Wristwatch” – MJ Lenderman
8. “Green Eyes” – JOSEPH
9. “A Stone Only Rolls Downhill” – OK Go
10. “Much Ado About Nothing” – Waxahatchee
11. “Brightest Star” – Lilly Hiatt
12. “House on Fire” – Toby Lee
13. “Sugar in the Tank” – Julien Baker @ TORRES
14. “Water Underground” – Real Estate
15. “Driver” – Soccer Mommy