The last couple of weeks…they’ve been a lot.

We wrapped the “longest in history” business, with some mixed feelings. We’re back, we’ve been back paid, and life continues. Of course, being what time of year it is, the fact that it’s only a continuing resolution means there’s no money on the books yet, and starting this week, there’s going to be so much use-or-lose leave being burned (including by me) that there wouldn’t be anyone around to spend it anyway. Some of last year’s projects are becoming problems again, but at least they’re not becoming my problem.

But at least it’s kind of normal (or was for a couple of weeks) until we end up doing this all over again at the end of January, which looks more likely all the time. Given the seven weeks of no pay, finances are kind of upside down even if the balance sheet is still in the positive, so we’d already decided the holidays were going to be a non-event anyway. Better to batten down and keep the emergency fund for the next emergency.

Nobody feels much like celebrating anyway; this year has been, by far, the worst on record of my fifty-one years on this planet, and piling on some personal setbacks in the past week that I’m still coming to terms with, it’s not getting any better as we hit the home stretch.

I’m making the executive decision to frankly just sit this one out. Ride these next couple of weeks out, button up for the year, and just hermit for a couple of weeks in December, unplug, work on a couple of low-key personal projects and soul-search a bit.

Maybe I can come up with some way to more effectively cope with the coming year which isn’t likely to improve.

Another week, more gossip, stress, bullshit, “senior officials” dropping dubious tips in the press, and no real movement. This is my world now.

The big story of the week, however, the absolute electoral blowout here and elsewhere, which (along with hearing that a couple of my favorite co-workers took advantage of the current business to get hitched!) was some seriously welcome news amidst the usual big pile of shit.

Virginia was pretty great; the Dems running the table, Governor, Lieutenant Governor, Attorney General, and at least thirteen seats in the House of Delegates. Plus, similar stories in New Jersey and elsewhere. Talking Virginia, I feel especially good; Abby Spanberger is good people (she and her family are acquaintances, with many friends in common), and I know she’ll do a damned good job keeping this particular Commonwealth from going the way of so many other parts of this country as part of a historically diverse ticket.

Of special note to me, is the fact that one of those 13 HoD seats was the one covering my address, which flipped blue thanks to Lindsey Dougherty winning over the useless personality void that saved those boneheaded text messages for a couple of years like they were a blue dress in order to derail the AG campaign. After voting Tuesday morning (along with our youngest, voting for the first time – cool!), we chatted briefly with Lindsey outside the polling place (she was working all the precincts like a hustling candidate ought to), and she came across as pleasant, normal, and looking forward to serving.

So yeah, that stuff felt good, and going to let myself enjoy that good. Also, Sandwich Guy, symbol of the modern resistance, was found not guilty yesterday.

The rest of it, though, was kinda meh. The arrival of my second zeroed out LES, the dog being very extra, my back acting up, and knowing that this has all been happening long enough that the beer I started back at the beginning will be ready for tasting on Sunday.

I do, however, have that to look forward to. I’m also set up to end the cycling season with the annual Bike and Beers ride in Williamsburg, and we’ve got D&D penciled in for Sunday evening. But, even with those things, I’m still really, completely over this.

Tunes? Lots more indie. Nothing new here.

1. “Supernova” – Liz Phair
2. “Febersvan” – GUAPA
3. “Foolin’ Noone” – The Scratch
4. “Ghost” – Hannah Wicklund
5. “That Kind of Life” – Michigan Rattlers
6. “Ancient Light” – I’m With Her
7. “Power of Right” – Eddie Vedder
8. “Bury Me” – Jason Isbell
9. “Starting Now” – Toad the Wet Sprocket
10. “Affogato” – Ripe
11. “Take” – The Beths
12. “Back To The Beginning Again”- Robert Jon & The Wreck

Starting this one out on a positive note, on Saturday, the Humdingers won “Best Performer” in this year’s Pegasus Awards (essentially the Grammys™ for “filk” music). It’s a big deal, and the fact that I’m a piece of that win feels good.

Now, to the rest of it, which is mostly awful bullshit:

Not a lot of new, concrete news on the obvious front; all kinds of gossip, walking back of gossip, the first mentions of the so-called “nuclear option” (which I think is how this is eventually all going to end), but mostly all sides digging in (in this link’s case, for what I think are the right reasons, but alas…). There are a few checkpoints coming up in the next week; the non-subsidized ACA premiums becoming visible, SNAP funding expiring (in spite of that emergency fund right there and way more complicated and less legally clear things getting funded), and of course, election day 2025 coming up on Tuesday, with governor’s races in New Jersey and here in Virginia, all of which could change the political calculus of this thing, but I honestly don’t expect much.

In the meantime, I sit here at home on a Friday morning waiting for management to send over a second furlough notice, because the first one expired.

Practically, I’ll be okay short-term, given the financial deck-chair rearranging I’ve managed the last week or two; it took working through a couple of options, but it’s now all but sorted, and might even work out for the better long-term assuming they don’t undo this piece of legislation passed after last time.

But, given the uncertainty of all this, I’m spending almost nothing, scheduling bill-paying carefully, thank thanking $diety that I’ve got some savings and there are a handful of secondary income streams to absorb some of the shock

Otherwise, it’s Halloween, and it can be taken as read that I didn’t go out and buy any candy and my porch light will be off this evening; I just don’t have the energy.

I also don’t really have anything on the agenda for the weekend; some friends have offered to put a drink or two in our hands at a small get-together, but we’ll see how that shakes out. Again, the silverware drawer is kind of empty

Today’s tunes come from the playlist I’d pump through the P.A. between sets during bar gigs, which I haven’t had a use for in a while, because, well, I haven’t had any bar gigs in what feels like forever; largely because all the bars I used to play don’t exist anymore. There’s some really good stuff on there, though: little indie bands I saw in the 90s, friends’ tunes, and other stuff I’ve always thought was cool, most of it from that era when I was in my twenties and the world seemed like it had possibilities. That was nice:

1. “I Will Dare” – The Replacement
2. “My Dad Is Rich” – Draco and the Malfoys
3. “Grey Cell Green” – Ned’s Atomic Dustbin
4. “Bouncing Around The Room” – Phish
5. “Cheshire Kitten (We’re All Mad Here)” – S.J. Tucker
6. “Friday Night 1988” – Mikey Mason
7. “Meownir” – Madison Metricula Roberts
8. “8 Miles Down” – Big Back Forty
9. “Teen Angst (What The World Needs Now)” – Cracker
10. “Feed The Tree” – Belly
11. “Girlfriend” – Matthew Sweet
12. “Endless Summer” – Superchunk
13. “32 Flavors” – Ani DiFranco
14. “Hey Pretty” – Poe

So, we’re well into week four, and still no particular movement on anything. The legislative branch continues to stay buried in their bunkers, emerging every now and then to vote the same way they have the last dozen times, and the executive branch is way more into trashing landmarks of great historical significance than governing or “making deals.”

I’ve had good days and bad days. Projects included continued puttering at the new album, making a nice pot of vegetable soup, working some financial arrangements that’ll be of great assistance if this whole business goes on as long as it feels like it’s going to, rebuilding the music promo site in WordPress for supposedly easier editing down the road, and doing whatever I’m able to in order to stop obsessing over the news and wallowing in an unpleasant spiral of anxiety.

Highlights of the week included a really nice morning hike at Pocahontas, and we had a wonderful and thoroughly enjoyable lunch out with some out-of-state friends who were passing through town on a day the lovely spouse wasn’t working. It was something I ended up really needing.

Especially after looking at the LES I got in the email showing lots of zeroes on it instead of the paycheck that was supposed to hit my account yesterday.

I did wake up this morning to the release of a musical project my friend Corwyn that he was nice enough to have me play some bass on, and it sounds damn good if I do say so myself. If you’re looking for some solid creepy hard rock and ambient music to make your Halloween party kick more ass, I recommend grabbing this one:

In any case, that’s life right now; damn near the same as it ever was, at least since the new FY started. As for what the algorithm spit out while I was drinking my morning caffeine and reviewing and signing documents, it started out with lots of cool indie folk like I’ve been listening to, then that Jack White tune kicked in at #7, and I realized I wanted some more chunky distorted guitar, so I switched things up a bit:

1. “Wreck” – Neko Case
2. “Ultraviolet” – Clover County
3. “Uh Huh” – Jade Bird
4. “Save Your Soul” – Kathleen Edwards
5. “Enough” – Jeff Tweedy
6. “Help Me” – Low Cut Connie
7. “Archbishop Harold Holmes” – Jack White
8. “Everyday Magic” – My Morning Jacket
9. “Only Love” – Bodeans
10. “After the Party” – The Menzingers
11. “Hold On, I’m Coming” – Melissa Etheridge
12. “Magic Power” – Triumph
13. “I Wish I Had A Girl” – Henry Lee Summer

Such a week. I got a lot of stuff done, around the house and creatively (knocked out the bones of pretty much a whole album), though between entering shutdown week three, experiencing a personal health setback, some minor drama elsewhere, fearing for a cat’s life, and the effing dishwasher dying…again, it’s not been entirely awesome. I am, for the most part, managing, though the anxiety’s certainly up, and mental health could be better. All I can do is stick to the bits I can control (plans upon plans), and try to keep brushing the rest of it that I can’t off, as they say:

But, I won’t deny that’s primarily been the focus. Been keeping up with my fellow feds in our corners of the net a bit -venting, sharing info, making predictions, though not too much, because while I’ve got to keep up (it’s relevant, and following public policy is kind of my nature), too much isn’t good for me. I’ve read two and a half books this week instead, all of which are escapist, otherworldly stuff.

Speaking of otherworldly, the music world got word yesterday that the first of the big four has passed; Ace Frehley, the original, and most iconic lead guitarist from KISS.

Like any kid in the late 70s/early 80s, KISS was a thing, even if I didn’t really become familiar with the music until later. The image the band presented, particularly Ace with the smoking and sparking pickups on his custom Les Paul, was irresistible. His blues-based solos on the band’s glam-rock anthems popped, in part due to the juxtaposition of it all, along with the tone, which is instantly recognizable to most guitar players.

He of course, had personal issues (as does the band, to this day), and he spent the 80s and beyond (apart from the occasional appearance) outside the band, but continuing to perform and put out some pretty good music of his own along the way; my favorite is 1989’s Trouble Walkin’, which includes what’s probably the superior version the song “Hide Your Heart, which appeared on no less than five(!) different albums in 1988/1989.

In any case, here’s the playlist the algorithm produced based on feeding it this tune, which includes a bunch of blues-infused glam rock, as expected, plus more than a few tunes from classic rock big names apart from their primary context:

1. “Hide Your Heart” – Ace Frehley
2. “Outlaw” – RIOT
3. “Break Down The Wall” – Stone Fury
4. “I Wish It Would Rain” – Little Caesar
5. “Rock Solders” – Ace Frehley
6. “Walks Like A Woman” – Baton Rouge
7. “That Time of Year” – Vinnie Vincent Invasion
8. “Shot At My Heart” – ICON
9. “Long Cool Woman” – Vince Neil
10. “Seventeen” – Winger
11. “Powerline” – Lee Aaron
12. “Missing You” – Hagar Schon Aaronson Shreive

Still here, still sucks. Really trying to not read the news so much; just a quick survey of the morning headlines on Playbook and double-checking in the evening to confirm that the Senate votes went the same way they did the day before.

Otherwise, I’ve got a ton of household projects done, took a couple of really nice walks in the woods, cooked a few nice meals, and paid the bills Thursday morning with the final three-days-light paycheck that closed out the fiscal year. I’ve got a few cycles’ worth of savings and a bunch of available credit, but I’ll be honest, it hard after I finished off those bills, with my chronic depression and anxiety seriously tweaking after paying those bills not knowing when my next paycheck’s coming in.

Still, I’ve been here before, and once the wallowing is indulged, I’ll get over it (the dog doing her best to cheer me up is helping), and manage.

Not much else to report; I’ve watched a few things on the streaming services (Heads of State on Amazon Prime was the best kind of stupid fun), am enjoying reading my friend Amber’s new book, The Veil of Takhsha, I wrote most of a song about this guy, mostly because it’ll make my friend Alexandra laugh the next time I see her. Oh, I’ve also gotten way too invested in the saga of Francine the Broad Street Lowe’s cat.

Sure, my local theater hasn’t booked Good Boy yet (had myself looking forward to cheap movie Wednesday), but I’ll live (and maybe go raise a stink; I’ve got the time…).

So yeah, things could be better. They’ll get there, eventually, either through legislation or DSR. Conceptually, I’m still all in on the Democratic strategy; me missing a couple of checks sucks, but not as much as people who really need it losing or paying way more for health care (you know who’s got a good story on that? Graham Platner, the guy running against Susan “Concerned” Collins up in Maine); but then, that’s empathy, which certain quarters are calling a “fundamental weakness”, but you know what, fuck those guys.

Anyway…tunes. Lots of the usual kind of indie I’ve been listening to a lot lately when I’m not spinning old Zappa records:

1. “Wish I Knew You” – The Revivalists
2. “Rhiannon” – Fleetwood Mac
3. “Drive” – Incubus
4. “Stolen Love” – Josiah and the Bonnevilles
5. “Down By The Water” – The Decembrists
6. “Ghost Town” – The Specials
7. “Spanish Moon” – Little Feat
8. “Would That Not Be Nice” – Divine Fits
9. “Wake Up Dead Man” – Howlin Jackson
10. “Earthshaker” – Phantogram
11. “High Country” – Jason Scott & The High Heat
12. “Superposition” – Young The Giant
13. “I Could Drive You Crazy” – Sierra Ferrel

If you’re all reading the news at all, you know what’s going on.

To answer all messages and calls from dear friends referenced in the title of this post…I’m managing.

This one feels like it’s going to last a while, what with the devolving of most serious political discourse into memes of dubious quality and metrosexual grooming TED talks. That said, I am, for the moment, okay. The budget’s going to be tight for a bit (I am much appreciative of friends who buy me beers, and if you absolutely feel the need to help, I have a bunch of music for sale), but I have savings and an impressive spouse who’s income helps fill the current gap. It’ll suck if this keeps going for months, but it goes months, there’s a non-zero chance I’ll end up involuntarily retired anyway, and there’s this law, signed by a relevant someone after this happened the last time, that says I’ll get backpay at the end of this, but, y’know, what are laws anyway anymore?

Anyway…that’s all I’m going to say about that, because this other law almost certainly applies to me, and after some other unrelated events the other week, we’ve all received official correspondence reminding us to watch what we say. So….

Over the last few days, and probably for at least the next week or so, I’ve been catching up on projects around the house; things like yard work, little fix-it things that’ve been left alone for lack of time, rehabbing the wonky bridge on the second-hand shop Stratocaster I bought on a lark years ago and turning it into a serious spanky blues machine, and pretty much anything to keep me busy and not think too hard about this whole huge reality that I don’t have a hell of a lot of control over.

I’ve also spent a little time organizing my backlog of not-yet-recorded songs that will almost certainly become a new record, since, at the moment, I have time and the house will be mostly quiet. The Shutdown Sessions seems like a solid working title to me.

So yes, I am managing, and hope to keep doing so. All we can do is hang in there and work on the stuff we can.

I hope you’re managing too.

I woke up with a weird sense of existential dread and anxiety this morning.

I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just because it was Monday morning. The weekend was productive -I made a lot of progress toward meeting the deadlines for those creative projects I’m working on with other people- one’s not quite done, but I have plenty of time to get a vocal track and final mix I’m happy with before I owe it to someone. Same thing with work projects; I’m largely in a holding pattern waiting for other people do their thing so I can close a few things out. I’m hoping that bodes well for the rest of the year.

Yet this morning was a wash of anxiety and meh-ness, and I can’t nail down a definitive source.

There are memories of some weird dreams last night that could be a cause or merely a symptom, including the fairly common “I’ve got a huge paper due in hours for an English class that I didn’t know I was enrolled in. I vaguely remember the assignment being something like a literary analysis of some sort of by-the-numbers sci-fi show, something akin to “The Rise and Fall of Sanctuary Moon” from the Murderbot books, which doesn’t make a lot of sense, but then neither does much of my subconscious. But the feelings are real, they just tend to express themselves in bizarre fashion sometimes.

The other image sticking with me from last night’s brain dump is a theoretical installment of the Fast and Furious film series with a vampire antagonist, possibly played by Parker Posey a-la Blade: Trinity. In this half-remembered fiction, Toretto got turned, and spent a good bit of the film trying to turn everyone else, because “family.”

Even through the fog of anxiety, I’ll be honest, that sounds absolutely awesome.

On one level, after writing in a space for nearly a quarter-century, you feel like you’re running out of things to say.

On another level, there’s so much happening in the world that things to write about come spewing forth from the media fire hose more quickly than one can form positions on them.

On yet another level, it’s better for my mental health to avoid thinking (which could lead to writing) about most of those myriad things too deeply, because this is, at least for the near future, the worst possible timeline.

And…at the level down below even the weeds, I’m reasonably certain I’m mostly just screaming into the void (because the abyss is for gazing, after all) anyway.

So what does all this mean? I’m not sure. I know I’m writing less in this space and others, and that’s kind of by design, because, well, see above. And, as the algorithm and Peter Thiel are taking it all in anyway to build ever-more-detailed profiles on us all for no doubt nefarious purposes (or, just targeted marketing, which is pretty much the same thing), getting too specific or personal is just doing a favor for the AI overlords.

That said, I had a pretty nice time the other weekend making music and connecting with friends, sharing feelings both superficial and refreshingly deep. It was fun, and exhausting, and I’m glad to have a bit of a break for the next little while. I’ve got a few personal creative projects and collaborations that need addressing, some nature to go get momentarily lost in, and a whole big stack of escapist literature and other media to consume to get away from all this other stuff, which has an unpleasant habit of worming it’s way into my real life enough without my going and seeking it out beyond basic awareness and self-interest.

I’ll be all over the place (well, all over the Hyatt) at Dragoncon again this year as part of the filk track, doing both the solo thing and sitting in on bass with the Humdingers. It’s always a good time, and after the year I, and so many of the rest of us are having, I’m hoping it’ll be a welcome respite, even if I’m going to be a pretty busy musician this time around.

As the schedule stands now (and be aware, that until something is *actually happening*, the schedule is to be considered tentative!), here’s all the events I’ll be doing:

• “What Is Filk?/Meet & Greet” – Thursday, 7pm, Hyatt Hanover F/G
• “Geeky Sea Shanties” – Thursday, 8:30pm, Hyatt Hanover C/E
• “Filk & Cookies/Open Filk” – Friday, 10am, Hyatt Hanover F/G
• “Chuck Parker” – Friday, 2:30pm, Hyatt Hanover F/G
• “Blibbering Humdingers” – Friday, 5:30pm, Hyatt Concourse
• “Blibbering Humdingers” – Friday, 8:30pm, Hyatt Hanover F/G
• “Instafilk”- Saturday, 2:30, Hyatt Hanover F/G
• “Group Sing: Star Wars” – Saturday, 7pm, Hyatt International North
• “Blibbering Humdingers” – Sunday, 7pm, Hyatt Hanover F/G

I am really looking forward to spending time, making music, and probably raising a pint with friends old and new, and of course, doing my best to be entertaining for those who come to enjoy our humble track programming.