Yes, it’s true I haven’t posted anything in this space in almost a month, and that’s okay.

It’s been a journal of sorts for damn near two decades, and that’s fine, but honestly, given the state of the world, both my corner of it and the larger one (which frustratingly, intrudes directly upon my personal one more than I’d like), I don’t feel much like writing about it in what’s effectively a public space.

I’m dealing with some stuff, but I’m dealing with it in what are arguably more effective ways than simply screaming out into this void. I’m talking about things, both with folks close to me and with trained professionals. I’ve been walking my dog a lot, just getting outside and touching grass, both figuratively and literally. I wrote a bunch of songs for FAWM this year, and while I’m not entirely happy with any of them, putting feelings into verse, even if I never do anything with the results (there aren’t really any “hits” in this year’s batch right out of the gate), is a worthwhile effort. The time spent in the act of creation is never wasted.

Music continues to be an outlet; I’ve played a couple of pretty good shows over the last month or two, where people listened, laughed in the right places, and seemed to generally enjoy themselves. I’ve got a few more lined up in the next couple of months (even if I think I might have overdone it last year given everything else). I’m helping a friend on one of his musical projects which is an interesting creative challenge, and I’m hoping that challenge kick-starts the motivation to finish up my semi-stalled project that I got a nice start on during the first seven weeks of the fiscal year when I didn’t have much else to do.

Through all that, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my thoughts, about both now, and the future, and what I want those things to look like. Making plans, thinking about contingencies; the kinds of stuff a lot of people with a little more life behind them than before them tend to think about. I’m truly not planning on going anywhere, but time is time. It keeps moving, and it’s just something we have to deal with.

I’m also trying my best, through things like meditation, exercise, Radical Acceptance, and simply being mindful to let go of things I can’t control. There’s a lot of uncertainty out there right now, and I’m trying to not let it overwhelm me.

Last month, the Walk For Peace passed less than a mile from my house, so I went out on a cold Saturday morning to witness and honor the monks’ (and of course, Aloka‘s) efforts, and for an hour or so, I felt like I was a part of something bigger that was trying to make a difference or at least make a corner of the world a little better. It felt good.

I’m trying to feel that feeling a bit more, and stop worrying. I’m not going to apologize for that, or for not navel-gazing into the Abyss about the latest bit of shit they’re flooding the zone with.