Carrie Vaughn wins an internet from me for her post calling attention to how women are so reluctant, due to social pressures or the patriarchy or whatever other influences, to simply accept compliments or declare their inherent worth or ability without qualifying it, and how this is really a very harmful thing.

As a father of daughters, this is exactly the kind of thing we ought to be calling attention to.

The general trending topic she points to specifically addresses women, who really do feel a lot more pressure to qualify their worth when they receive a compliment than men do; it’s just the unfortunate way the world works (although there are a lot of great people out there doing their part to change that in large and small ways every day).

Also, without diminishing in any way the experience of the women this movement is describing, I can say that I think this message does, at least for some of us, does apply across gender lines. Somewhere in my formative years, I, the burly white man of privilege, absorbed the same lesson – that acknoweldging one’s own abilities, embracing one’s awesomeness, as it’s described, is unseemly and frowned upon. I’ve struggled with this for years; I can’t accept a compliment without cancelling it out by pointing out a flaw I also posess; it’s a reflex, and it’s a damned tough one to overcome.

To illustrate this point; I’m going to quote a piece from the lj piece I linked to above; they’re the words of the author, but it could honestly be pulled out of my head any given day of the week; showing exactly how often we do this to ourselves:

I am Karen Healey and I am awesome. Today I helped out friends who needed help with moving even though I left before a lot of my friends and I feel bad about being so lazy. I came home and made a cake with a fantastic rum-chocolate ganache but the cake itself was pretty dry and I should have paid more attention to the recipe, I’m an idiot. I then sat on the couch and read a book instead of doing all the work I have lined up. I am very proud of my reading skills. They are excellent, and so am I when I am not lazy, dumb, prejudiced, boring, offensive, and scatty.

That’s just one paragraph…as much as I’m a fan of self-deprecating humor, I like the way the marked up version reads better.

So, to reiterate – we (especially women who are under serious social pressure not to) should take opportunities to embrace our awesomeness, to celebrate our worth and our talent and our efforts, without qualification. It’s good for us, and we really ought to be good to ourselves more often.