Staring down another Friday, another shutdown threat, and this one’s even more loaded than usual. The seven month(!) continuing resolution that passed the House earlier this week is total hot garbage, and calling it “clean” is even more of a fiction than usual, as it cuts all kinds of funding for necessary services, and perhaps most importantly, is written in such a way that it gives dubious cover for the White House to continue violating Articles One and Two by refusing the spend money Congress has lawfully allocated, giving work-wife Elon and his five bullets the same cover to keep illegally firing my fellow civil servants.

Sometimes, I think it would be easier if I didn’t have such a good understanding of how government worked. Damn my social studies degree!

Anyway, the Senate’s got to approve this before midnight Friday or the government shuts down. Given the rather narrow party split and the need for sixty votes to get this thing passed, all eyes are on the Democrats in order to read the tea leaves about whether enough of them will vote *for* this thing. The media’s spinning all kinds of speculation based on various overheard partial comments, but nobody really knows anything. Many are counting on the Senator Schumer not being able to keep the caucus together and allow the eight votes needed to pass this to bleed away, which is certainly possible, given the evidence of history, but the only publicly professed “yes” vote is Fetterman, who, given his experiences since his election, while never having been really far-left, likely has a very different perspective on things than he did then. Mental health and brain issues suck; believe me, I know.

That said, both of my Senators have publicly stated they’re voting “no,” and I choose to believe it was because I called and emailed this week to tell them to do just that. Yay, active participation.

Yes, a shutdown could be a serious inconvenience to me, the 28 year career civil servant. The thing is, pretty much everyone I’ve encountered in the federal workforce community is rooting for the shutdown to happen, because it’s the only leverage anyone has to limit the wholesale gutting of the federal workforce that’s already happening*. I’m not naive enough to believe anyone will be able to completely stop things, but if the Democrats can obstruct enough, and call their bluff on this garbage bill (which they’re characterizing as the only option to avoid a shutdown, which is like telling someone to drink the beverage they just saw the date rapist drop the roofies in), they can at least limit the damage by doing the thing lawfully according to established Reduction in Force procedures, and doing right by the people who’ll be losing their jobs, by doing it fairly, and offering reasonable, fair recompense.

Then when the bureaucracy is completely unable to function after it’s been bled dry, they can make the MAGA idiot own that shit.

Yes, I’m taking this personally, because it’s my life (♫ and it’s now or never ♫). and I am seriously struggling mentally and physically, not knowing what the next day’s going to bring. When I say “fair recompense” above, I’ve been running a lot of speculative numbers regarding acronyms like VERA and VSIP, should they be offered, to see how doable it is for someone like me to get out of the way so someone more junior who needs it more can keep their job.

I didn’t think I’d ever be seriously looking at retirement at my age, but that’s where we are. Major life decisions like that are not what I was planning on dealing with right now.

Anyway, here are some tunes, because I’m tired of thinking about all this for the moment. What the heck, I’ll feed that song I alluded to a couple of paragraphs ago (the live in Toronto, 2000 version) into the algorithm to see what it spits out. I’m going to go take dog for a long walk along the river:

1. “It’s My Life (live)” – Bon Jovi
2. “Hard to Find the Words” – Cinderella
3. “I Want To Break Free (live)” – Queen
4. “No One at All” – Firehouse
5. “Mr Brightside (live)” – The Killers
6. “My Paradise” – The Outfield
7. “The One I Love (live)” – R.E.M.
8. “Don’t Stop Believin’ (live)” – Journey
9. “Selling The Drama (live)” – Live
10. “Walk of Live (live)” – Dire Straits
11. “Thunderstruck (live)” – AC/DC

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* – also, while we’re all dreaming of a quick resolution to all of this and an end to all the teasing and poking and prodding, we could use a f*cking break.