half-step behind
Felt yesterday that I’d been lagging a little behind the curve on most things. Even though I’m objectively ahead of the game at work, with all my projects in their proper places with time to spare, so it’s not necessary for me to participate in the current crazy sprint to get things lined up for fiscal year end.
Might be just that, honestly. I’m out of step with my remote co-workers, and my efficiency, even though it’s a net benefit to keeping my programs running, is the source of some anxiety. Dunning and Kreuger can bite me.
Then, last night, I dreamt about this guy. Who the hell knows what that’s about:
Yeah, some days I long for neurotypicality. Life would be so much more simple if I was as confident and sure of myself and my importance as the average mediocre white man. I’m lucky enough to have logged into life on the lowest difficulty setting, and a few crossed neuron wires won’t even let me truly appreciate the benefits (or, y’know, maybe it’s empathy; the thing that so many of those mediocre white men seem to lack in abundance). It just kind of sucks that I can’t be content to simply enjoy the silence.
Oh well, my brokenness occasionally inspires creativity; I guess I need to take the wins where I can find them.
