3/22 – Updated with an example of how this might have gone. See below.

I saw John Carter this evening. In glorious IMAX 3D. I spent eighteen dollars for a ticket, for that is the going rate in the Washington D.C. market.

It was totally worth every penny.

I had a blast with this flick – a great, sweeping action/adventure story; lots of fun, and feels a bit like a throwback to the kind of family-friendly adventure movies they just don’t make any more – a little bit of Indiana Jones, a little bit of Star Wars, a little bit of Flash Gordon and all the other lesser, fun Saturday afternoon on cable flicks that aped the trends they set. I guess it’s kind of come full circle, because Edgar Rice Burroughs’ adventure stories, such as the source material for this particular film, were, in many cases, the original source for the adventure tropes those great 70s and 80s movies were built on.

The plot does meander a bit in the middle, and it does vary a bit from the source novel, working in bits of later novels, striking off in new directions, and papering over much of the century old sexism and whatnot that modern audiences aren’t comfortable with, but a lot of the changes are actually pretty good story decisions, and add up to an enjoyable viewing experience refreshingly free of cynicism and grim-and-grittyness.

I love that Dejah Thoris has something to do besides look pretty (although she most definitely is) and get rescued, and I’m very much impressed with some of the best CGI/mocap characters I’ve ever seen on film (though I suppose the fact that the Tharks are nine feet tall, green, and have four arms provides somewhat of a bridge over the Uncanny Valley). And Woola, the dog-thing, steals every scene it’s in.

So, I say with enthusiasm, this one comes highly recommended; it’ll probably be one of my favorites of the year, at this rate. Which makes me sad, because it’s being heralded as a great big flop. There were two other people in the theater with me today.

The marketing, as many have said, was all wrong. Nobody knew what this movie was supposed to be about, and the title, trailers, and advertising didn’t give anyone any idea. There was no context at all. Seriously, every pre-teen boy in America ought to be jumping around playing John Carter in the backyard and feeling strange stirrings down below about Dejah Thoris – this should be their Labyrinth at least, if not their Star Wars. Sure, the source material may be 100 years old and kind of forgotten, but it’s classic sci-fi/fantasy created by the guy who invented Tarzan! It’s got action, romance, funny jokes not based on pop culture references! There are daring heroes, beautiful ass-kicking princesses, mysterious bad guys, strange yet noble alien warriors, skies full of graceful airships, and a freakin’ space dog!

Disney should have been able to sell this in it’s sleep. But it didn’t for some reason. Maybe some day we’ll find out why. In the meantime, I really hope word-of-mouth somehow manages to give this movie some legs, because it really is worth your time.

UPDATE: I recently discovered this, thanks to a link over at ain’t it cool news: a fan-cut trailer that seems to have an understanding of how Disney should have sold this:

That (↑) is a bit closer to movie I saw this week.