For what will be my fifth year running, I’ll be once again participating in February Album Writing Month, a semi-organized exercise in creativity, taking on the challenge of writing 14 songs in 28 days.

In past years, I’ve always hit at least fourteen tunes, with usually at least a few winners – last year, I felt decent enough about the process to release the entire exercise as an actual legit album (I even printed a handful of CDs); and a lot of people seemed to like it enough to exchange money for a copy.

As always, I’m looking forward to the experience – the activity, the community, unexpected sources of inspiration, and all the rest – and I’m hoping I can keep my streak going.

I’m honestly not sure what this year’s output is going to look like – I never do, really. I can say that I expect the general malaise and burned-outedness I’m experiencing to color the output, at least a bit. Like the sky outside this morning, my outlook’s a little cloudy, what with the usual litany of depressing headlines and the fact that we’re approaching the beginning of the third year of this pandemic. The good news is, even those negative emotions can serve as grist for the songwriting mill, and often pretty potently. Even if I’m primarily part of the filk or nerdmusik milieu, a lot of my stuff ends up being kind of personal; right now, the personal is equal parts “tired of all this crap” and “just plain emotionally wrung out,” so a little exploration of dark places won’t be out of place. Of course, I expect there’ll be a few silly trifles and songs about books and movies I’ve consumed lately, because there always are.

If you’re at all interested in following the mayhem (or even participating in this mess yourself), go ahead and click that image leading this post off – it points directly to my profile, though it’s an easy click to start up your own songwriting adventure as well.

Write on.

On Wednesday evening, I was driving my lovely spouse and youngest child back from a recreational activity involving frozen water, and my head started throbbing. Started in the sinuses, and progressed from there; lights of oncoming cars appearing extra intense, noise starting to bother me, all that crap.

We made it home, I took my regular pills and some extra pain killers and went straight away to bed in the dark.

Waking up the next morning, I had that unmistakable hung over feeling, even if I hadn’t had any alcohol enter my system since I enjoyed that single ale on Sunday evening while cooking dinner. I’m not sure if the headache was a full-on migraine, though the experience was so identical as to make no difference.

That said, I limped my way through the work day and its litany of meetings and got my stuff done, but did very little else the rest of the day.

Feeling mostly better this morning; let’s hope it sticks. I’ve got nothing really on the agenda for the weekend, which is, I think, for the best. The weather looks a bit shit anyway, although it looks a bit more that way to the northeast.

Apart from the cranial business, I got a few things of note done this week. It took less than a minute to complete my begging brief to get one of my programs funded for the year, and took my first bike ride of the year on Tuesday when the weather was sort of decent; that felt good. I’ll take successes where I can get ’em.

So tunes – kind of all over the place this week – couple of great indie signature guitar licks in tracks #5 (excellent local fellow I’ll catch in a club one day) and #10 (until recently, the only tune from these guys you’d ever hear on the radio), then settling into mostly 90s AAA rock, which, sure…fine.

1. “Expectations” – Katie Pruitt
2. “Drive Me, Crazy” – Orville Pick
3. “Never Get Ahead” – Bobby Conn
4. “Too Good” – Arlo Parks
5. “Genuine Hesitation” – Matthew E. White
6. “Won’t Stand Down” – Muse
7. “Bite Me” – Avril Lavigne
8. “Howlin’ For You” – The Black Keys
9. “Never Let You Go” – Third Eye Blind
10. “Float On” – Modest Mouse
11. “Wake Up” – Rage Against The Machine
12. “Til I Hear It From You” – Gin Blossoms
13. “I Want You To Want Me” – Cheap Trick
14. “I Believe In A Thing Called Love” – The Darkness
15. “Alive” – Pearl Jam

If I look back at the calendar and tally all the stuff I clearly got done, it’s obvious there was a weekend, but damn if I’m not having a bit of a difficult time feeling like I had two days away from my desk and all the usual office weirdness of making sure the data continues to flow, the software licenses and support contracts get renewed, and maintaining some optimism that the initiatives I’m trying to champion someday make some of these processes more efficient and cost a little less.

I know time has passed, because on Thursday and Friday there was snow. Now it’s gone, and the sun was pretty bright yesterday. I can see the groceries I bought and the laundry I washed. I can see the balance on my bank account going down as the bills I paid, the tequila the girls-of-age and I drank, and the new kitchen appliances I got ordered have their prices collected. The fish tank is clean, as is the floor of the home office/studio/sewing space. Over to the left in the little box I keep it in, the number of miles hiked and books read have increased a bit.

Stuff has happened. I accomplished tasks. But it mostly feels like a dream in between emails sent, questions answered, memos written, and conference calls attended.

There was a break from all this, but I didn’t reap much of a benefit in terms of rest or stress relief. The headlines I read and the obstacles I have to overcome, and the people out there in my community who have so little empathy for their fellow humans…it’s playing less-than-pleasant games with my mental health and general outlook.

Objectively, I can prove that I’m getting by, day-to-day, and the ledger shows I’m making progress, but for whatever reason; depression, ennui, two-point-something years of global pandemic that keeps on keeping on, It doesn’t feel like I’m moving forward, and that sucks.

I just feel like I badly need some kind of win, and such a thing is currently elusive. My outlook on the future is hazy, and not in a good way like a solid east coast IPA; the future of well, All Of This™,, is uncertain, buried in dark gray fog, and so many of us, not just me, are struggling to find our way through it to a result that feels like a positive.

But, here’s to hoping we do.

I’ve registered and paid; I’m now committed to do the Century Ride for the 2022 Virginia Capital Trail Cap2Cap.

Guess I better start training, huh?

For the second time in as many weeks, my region of the country is sliding into the weekend with an allegedly significant weather event. Yesterday was rain and snow that mostly amounted to nothing but what’ll prove to be slick roads today as it’s probably not going to break above freezing all day. Tonight they’re calling for more precipitation, but the various forecasters can’t quite agree on what kind or how much.

I’m leaning toward not much, honestly – just enough to be mildly inconvenient.

“Mildly inconvenient” is actually a pretty good descriptor for the week at large. News on the national and state level has been the usual crap; work’s been quiet, though I’d rather it not be; I’ve got stuff I’ve got to get done, and it’s like pulling teeth to get straight answers out of the people who need to provide them, and the thinks I’ve gotten done have been just a bit more complicated than they need to be, but only to the point of annoyance. The rest of life’s been about the same; little impediments that are *just bothersome enough* without rising to the point of crisis.

Ennui. On we go.

I’ve accomplished just enough to maintain some kind of plodding progress. I got my bike back from the shop freshly maintained and tuned for about half the price I’d estimated, just in time to put it in storage due to weather. This week’s paycheck was nice and heavy thanks to that bonus I talked about, and I’ve gotten a couple of bills paid off, but as most of the windfall’s already spoken for, it’s just watching it flow in and out. I successfully briefed one project into funding and approval at work, onlty to have two more smaller, neglected ones dropped in my lap.

That’s the way it goes..two steps forward, one back. Over and over.

But, it’s better than the inverse, I guess.

Tunes this week? Lots of modern indie, a couple of cool covers, and some J-pop? Not a lot of stuff I’ve heard before, but that’s fine; this is Spotify’s “Discover Weekly” playlist, after all.

1. “Best Life” – Cheekface
2. “Crimson + Clover” – Pom Pom Squad
3. “Safety Dance” Angel Olsen
4. “SPORTSMEN” – Haroumi Hosono
5. “Cheers” – Faye Webster
6. “Like A Lady” – Pom Poko
7. “New Mistake” – Jellyfish
8. “Those Words” – Mattiel
9. “Don’t Do It” – Courtney Barnett Feat. Vagabon
10. “oh baby” – LCD Soundsystem
11. “Streets of Philadelphia” – Waxahatchee
12. “The Balcony” – Fruit Bats
13. “Traffic!” – Katy Kirby
14. “The Universe” – Death Valley Girls

I know these aren’t original, un-altered comic panels, but damn if they aren’t completely on-brand for my favorite Marvel 3rd-stringer hero:

Indeed; Moon Knight; one of Marvel’s more interesting takes on a particular archetype, has never been a top-tier hero in comics or otherwise. He’s always been a weird, horror-adjacent vigilante with ties, real or imagined (depending on the writer), to ancient gods, a variable power set, and regular crises of identity (why have one secret identity when you can have half-a-dozen?) with niche appeal. That said, he’s been more or less consistently published since the late 70s, and has never not been at least interesting and always visually appealing.

He, and his plots, are kinda nuts, and it looks like the series Disney+ is putting out in March are leaning in to that craziness pretty hard, which is exactly how it should be.

It’s certainly got potential; I kind of like th costume adjustments; it’s eerily comics-accurate, and the textures suggest the character’s ancient Egyptian connections in an interesting way. Oscar Isaac is usually always good (even Apocalypse, which was awful, wasn’t his fault), and Marvel Studios has definitely earned its reputation for competence and quality.

I’m looking forward to it, obviously, but mostly, the mere existence of a Moon Knight tv show is exactly the kind of positive I’m hanging onto hard, what with the rest of civilization being what it is (see, like, every headline, everywhere). If this sort of art is getting top-shelf production, then not everything is wrong with the world.

This weekend, amidst the snow storm that (at least around these parts) was much ado about nothing, my adopted home inaugurated a new Governor, Republican Glenn Youngkin, one of those “business” guys certain people like so much, because success in one area inevitably guarantees success in another, right?

As one would expect, the inaugural address included all the right platitudes about looking out for everyone, regardless of political stripe, et cetera et cetera:

No matter who you voted for, I pledge to be your advocate, your voice, your governor.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Of course it does. But it’s kinda bullshit.

Let’s look at a couple of his first-day actions:

Executive Order #1 is all about ending the use of “inherently divisive concepts, including critical race theory” (emphasis mine); which, as anybody paying any kind of attention at all, is an obvious sop to racist white people so they don’t have to feel bad when history class talks about how white people used to own black people around here.

“Critical Race Theory,” by definition, is an academic theory that came around in the 1980s in law school circles as a way to examine how racism has influenced the evolution of US law, and how through that influence, racism might be being perpetuated due to those legal and bureaucratic constructs. Simply put, laws are written by people, and people are imperfect and come with inherent biases, and those biases, including racist elements, can influence the system.

It’s the kind of thing that career academics in post-graduate education use as a framework for researching institutions and systems. It’s not a thing that’s taught in elementary school social studies classes. It has, however, has become a term that conservative activists found works well to appeal to the emotions of suburban white people who’ve been told that it means that K-thru-12 curriculum teach that all white people are oppressors and thus make white people feel bad.

The order even quotes MLK on his birthday, deploying the ““will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character” line, which, according to Republicans is the only thing he ever said, and it makes him one of them. They’re wrong.

This appeal to white people’s hurt feelings is what really won him the election (along with the fact that Terry McAuliffe ran a crap campaign overall), and so it’s the cornerstone of his education policy; never mind that it’s all mostly bullshit. In states like this one, though, it’s concerning because textbooks legitimately used to frame the Civil War era in “Lost Cause” rhetoric and speak to the “feeling of strong affection” between slaves and their owners, and honestly, that’s not a thing we should be regressing to.

More immediately concerning, however, is Executive Order #2, which ends Virginia’s mask mandate in schools, which, in this current age of highly-transmissible Omicron, is highly irresponsible, and the logic cited in the document is highly suspect, quoting the kind of research one finds in fringe YouTube videos.

This, friends, isn’t going to end well. The numbers are not good, and if we stop enforcing even the limited countermeasures we had in place, it’s only going to get worse.

But once again, it salves the feelings of a certain flavor of Virginian, and that, apparently, is all that matters to Governor Youngkin.

Gonna be a long four years.

On the main, this entire week’s just kind of blurred by; work day full of meetings and PowerPoint slides, headlines full of doom, gloom, and gridlock, brisk walks in the woods to clear the head, clean-the-cabinets sort of dinners, and watching a program or two on the TV before going to bed.

Y’know, the usual.

A couple of reasonable high points, though. The annual work appraisal cycle wrapped up, and my meeting with the boss went well; it’s nice to have one’s efforts rewarded. A significant salary increase (edging toward 10% when one works in the alchemy of locality adjustments) and a pretty nice cash bonus that’ll certainly help with the long-overdue refresh of the kitchen we’ve been contemplating. Plus, y’know, a nice pat on the back and further instructions of “keep on doing what you do!”

Though I sometimes feel like a simple cog in a huge machine, which, I guess I am, it feels good to have someone tell you you’re doing a good job and that you’re appreciated.

Elsewhere, I got a note from my insurance guy, who did his regular review on my files and identified an opportunity to save like 40% annually on car insurance. There are currently four drivers on my policy, two of ’em under 25, so my bill is not insignificant. Needless to say, I jumped on that s**t.

So, assuming nothing else breaks and the family doesn’t find new and interesting ways to increase expenses, thanks to these developments and a few others I lined up over the past few months, I should enter this third year of this pandemic with improved cash flow, and I feel reasonably okay about the books around these parts, which is cool, at least until I find a way to twist circumstances into new and interesting stressors; which, as we all know, is my superpower.

Ideally looking at a quiet, uneventful long weekend, since the usual MLK weekend Marscon escape got postponed. I think I’m just gonna chill; I rather deserve it, and…really…just look out the door at all those infection vectors.

As far as what “Discover Weekly” spit out this week on Spotify, a nice mix with a little prog, a little alt-country, a touch of 80s/90s alternative, a chunk of indie and wrapping up with what’s possibly the most funkified John Prine song in the universe:

1. “Losing True” – The Roches
2. “Life Is A Carnival” – The Band
3. “Saturn We Miss You” – Trip The Witch, John Anderson
4. “The Sun Hasn’t Left” – Modest Mouse
5. “Stand For Myself” – Yola
6. “Motorcycle” – Liz Cooper
7. “Wide Open Spaces” – Soccer Mommy
8. “Crutch” – Band of Horses
9. “Domino” – Shovels & Rope
10. “What Do All The People Know?” – THe Monroes
11. “Dear Prudence” – Siouxie and the Banshees
12. “So It Goes” – Nick Lowe
13. “Saddle In The Rain” – John Prine

this image is what I need, not how I’m feeling

For the first week back to the grind after a holiday break that wasn’t particularly awesome, thanks to all kinds of external factors, it was, at best, not ideal, and otherwise, kind of a shit show.

Work, frankly, sucked, mostly because a few external entities made some bizarre, poorly-researched decisions and directives while most people were off celebrating the new year that have us all scrambling to either head off or (more likely) adjust to without any particular warning. That, and the fact that I worked my ass off to get things submitted that needed to be submitted ahead of deadlines before the holidays just ended up making more work for me because processes are so broken that nobody seems to have any clue what to do with something that doesn’t come in at the 11th hour…

Ugh.

We’ve got some good things in the pipeline, I think (that meeting was the high point of the week), though we’ll see whether we’re actually able to implement them in such a dysfunctional environment.

So, yeah.

I did get paid, and as result of that, paid off a big bill, which I guess is something. Likewise, my boss’s submitted evaluation of my work year said some really nice things about my being able to rescue productivity from the usual morass of wasted time, though I have yet to see how that’s going to affect my salary for the new year, as we haven’t managed to find time to have that meeting, assuming TPTB have actually released the results yet.

Ugh, once again.

For this weekend, we’ve got KT’s memorial service, which, while certainly sad, should provide a bit of peace, at least for me. I miss my friend terribly, and always will, celebrating her life is something well worth doing.

Otherwise? Honestly I haven’t really considered much otherwise; there’s another day there; I’ll probably just do laundry and hope it keeps the snow off.

Here’s a playlist. Looks an awful lot like an average hour at wnrn, which, y’know, ain’t so bad:

1. “Stay in the Car” – Bachelor, Jay Som, Palehound
2. “Heading West” – Neil Young & Crazy Horse
3. “Athena” – Tristen
4. “Keep It Dark” – Genesis
5. “The Hardest Cut” – Spoon
6. “Screenwriters Blues” – Soul Coughing
7. “Laminated Cat” – Loose Fur
8. “Year of the Spider” – Shannon & The Clams
9. “Brando” – Lucy Dacus
10. “Ivory Tower – Outake” – CSN&Y
11. “Hard on Everyone” – Kathleen Edwards
12. “I’m Writing a Novel”- Father John Misty
13. “Yin and Yang (The Flowerpot Man)” – Love and Rockets
14. “Cloud Nein” – Man Man
15. “San Diego Zoo” – The 6ths
16. “Nothing Else Matters”- Phoebe Bridgers

Unlike my senator and fellow Replacements fan Tim Kaine, the snow here in VA had rather little impact for me.

Sure, my office location was technically closed Monday and Tuesday, though since telework means snow days really aren’t a thing anymore, I just worked through it from my desk at home, barely noticing a difference. Roads were safe enough for job-holding kids to get to work (though one’s place of business closed a bit early on Monday) without issue, though much of that has to with our being south of the city; the north (including the I-95 corridor between us and DC) got much more accumulation.

The worst thing I’m dealing with is a little extra sinus congestion I’m blaming primarily on spending three hours in the damp woods with it’s interesting mold, fungus, and pollen on Saturday morning, and putting up with folks waiting until the last minute to do things that I wrapped my part of before the holidays in hope of avoiding such inconveniences. Ugh.

Oh, and given increasing Omicron numbers, Marscon, my beloved home convention normally scheduled for MLK weekend, made the call, in concert with the venue, to postpone the event until March, which I’m personally very okay with. I will miss seeing my friends and handful of fans (as I was booked as an entertainer twice over this year, as me and as a Humdinger) in a couple of weeks, but we’d had a bunch of big cancellations, and things just aren’t looking good. Hopefully things will be looking better in a few months…

…I say hopefully, because one simply can’t count on a certain percentage of people to not do the stupid irresponsible thing.