storybook endings only exist in storybooks – more survey results

22
Jul

According to yet another reported survey, romantic comedy films mess up people’s relationships (Sorry for the blinky over-advertised link destination) by encouraging unrealistic expectations about what “love” is supposed to be. For some people, this causes much distress when their real-life relationships don’t live up to the storybook perfection presented on the page or the screen.

Just one more example of how so many people in this world have a hard time distinguishing between reality and fantasy.

Romance isn’t all about meet-cutes, flowers-and-candy, and the man making excessively public declarations of love in order to make up for being a stereotypical sexist prick who can’t express himself for the previous 70 minutes’ run-time (or however many pages). Neither do these ridiculous public declarations make the female lead’s own unrealistic expectations about relationships, low self-esteem and inability to listen or communicate her actual feelings go away . I’d predict that were these film relationships actually real, most of them would combust before the craft services credit rolled due to the parties’ lack of minimal social skills.

Yes, I understand that these are cute, light comedic entertainments, and these are characters on the screen or page and not representations of real-life experience. However, according to this survey, about half the people surveyed can’t make this distinction.

Is it really that hard to understand that relationships take persistence, communication, patience, and compromise, and all the silly press conference interruptions and marching band accompanied stunts in the world won’t make up for the absence those things?

That doesn’t mean that real-life romantic relationships cannot be or are not fulfilling; it just means that they require work, and in my personal experience, that work is definitely worth putting in.

I am so glad I’m out of the “finding a mate” game. There’s enough of this sort of things affecting people’s non-romantic interpersonal relationships to deal with as it is.

…And in a note tangentially related to past posts, the NY Daily News piece linked above does a not wholly bad (maybe a five-eighths ass) job of actually reporting the methodology and scope of the “survey” it reports on, with minimal fluff; for example, it specifically mentions that the survey was released by (and presumably funded by) a movie studio as part of the promotional campaign for a romantic comedy film.

some more thoughts on spam

21
Jul

Spam is a fact of life on the internet…thank $diety for filters and moderation queues; they make maintenance a lot easier.

Of course, blog admin tools have the unfortunate side effect of presenting moderated comments out of the context of the post they’re attached to. Some of them are really actually quite flattering, giving me a little ego boost, at least until I notice they’re praising the genius of one of the static pages with no actual writing on it instead of my latest 1000 word dissertation on some philosophical question…

…I do, however, have to give credit to the current hot topic of “Help! The Russian mafia is forcing me to post penis enlargment spam links! Oh no! They’re coming back!”. As I heard somebody say once, advertising is always an imposition, but targets are more forgiving if an ad is funny or otherwise entertaining.

certainly not agreement, but perhaps a start at understanding

20
Jul

Last year (YiB 2009, #5), I went against my better judgment and read Twilight to see what all the fuss was about. Based on what I’d gleaned from the pop culture currents, I was pretty sure it wasn’t something that was going to appeal to me. And, I was basically right. For many reasons, I didn’t think it was particularly good reading.

However, overcome by boredom, masochistic tendencies, and with more than a little bit of morbid curiosity, this week I read the sequel, New Moon. I thought it was, in a lot of ways, worse than it’s predecessor – short on plot, high on melodrama, with attempts at world-building that felt more like amateurish Underworld fan fiction with a Mary Sue POV than a bestselling pop phenomenon. It also continued, and increased, the anti-feminist and pro-patriarchy themes that continue to make me so uncomfortable.

I recognize that part of this is because these books are simply not written for someone like me. However, as I read this one, I started to maybe develop some theories as to why these works do appeal to so many people.

I imagine that Meyer’s one great success with these books is that she seems to have captured a bit of what I imagine is the essence of what it’s like to be a pre-teen girl. It’s all blustery angsty melodrama at every turn; when her stalkery boyfriend kicks her to the curb (out of love, apparently), Bella wallows in depression for months. It’s exaggerated slightly, but I guess I can see this as being the way the target audience reacts to things – any setback, for some young girls, feels like “the end of the world.” In that regard, I guess a lot of young readers can see themselves in Bella – the fact that the character is pretty much otherwise a blank canvas the reader can paste herself onto only helps this along.

I guess that covers the kids…more troublesome are the so-called “Twilight Moms”: all the women around my age who swoon over the “romance” angle, though they really ought to know better. Despite the fact that the relationships central to this story are clearly not healthy, these women loudly and vehemently hold them up as good examples for which to aspire.

I wonder if their affection doesn’t have more to do with tapping into memories or idealized impressions of youthful infatuation, when not having some random boy’s attention crushed them emotionally, and it’s a little bit of wish fulfillment to imagine themselves as Bella, who’s nothing special, but still has both the golden god and sensitive nature boy both mooning over them. Related to this nostalgia is probably a longing for the potential of youth, when life was full of possibilities, before they got started on their path adulthood and day-to-day tedium.

So, I kind of understand the whys of people enjoying this, but there are implications I’m still terribly uncomfortable with. Paramount is the message it imparts about a woman’s role and place in society. Bella totally defines herself in terms of the man she’s with (or not with); at one point in NM, Bella offers up the following in an attempt to come to terms with Edward leaving her:

It was depressing to realize that I wasn’t the heroine anymore, that my story was over.

It really bothers me that she can’t conceive her life as worth anything without the influence of a man to validate her, but even more that the book continually reinforces this as a valid way of feeling. This isn’t helped by the fact that Bella has no defining characteristics other than her infatuation with Edward; She doesn’t have a life of her own when he’s out of the picture. And Edward, when he’s with her, tends to encourage this dependence on his influence, stalking her “for her own good,” regulating who she associates with, acting generally like a controlling asshole and swooping in to “protect” her from her “baser” urges. Which Bella passively lets him get away with because she “loves” him (read: she’s afraid if she doesn’t please him, he’ll go away and leave her worthless again).

This bit’s actually interesting – one way Meyer almost plays with expectations is that contrary to cliché, Bella’s actually the sexual aggressor in the relationship* – well, not literally sexual, but the whole wanting Edward to “vamp” her while she’s still young and nubile isn’t that hard of a metaphor to grasp**. Edward’s the abstinence vampire gatekeeper here, defying the tradition where the woman are expected to shoulder both the responsibility of remaining chaste and pure while at the same time keeping the man’s impulses in check, because he can’t be expected to do it himself. Expectations are restored however, as Edward’s refusals to do anything in that general area before they’re properly married are portrayed primarily as “oh, silly non-rational woman, let the powerful man make all those difficult decisions for you, Ha!”, restoring the patriarchal party line, thus earning Twilight the seal of approval from conservative authority figures (despite their rejection of other YA fantasy IP) despite the near constant presence of “demonic” elements such as vampires and werewolves** in the text.

There’s probably more there, and a lot of people have written some really good serious pieces (and some pretty funny ones) about it. I don’t have the inclination for more in-depth literary analysis right now.

As I said, this thing just really isn’t for me; I’m not wired to tap into the personal or nostalgic resonance it’s sending out. Also, the characters are bland, the actual composition is shoddy and of what I consider low quality. But mostly, it’s because I can’t get behind the messages inherent in this text so far (not that I expect it gets even worse in the next two volumes, given what I’ve heard). I like my female protagonists a little more empowered, and I’m not comfortable with the worldview that a woman should be totally dependent on a man for anything – I’ve always found it disconcerting when I’ve encountered women who tend to radically shift in personality depending on the man they’re currently with, and seem to have no particular interests independent of the relationship, or outside of certain approved societal constraints (it’s really the same thing – it’s the “man” or it’s “The Man” – some guy or the patriarchy), and also the idea that controlling sorts of men that behave like Edward do aren’t the sorts of partners women really ought to be seeking out.

I do know a lot of people who appear to subscribe to certain pieces this worldview, perhaps that’s why a lot of those same people are really into this series. However, I also know that these aren’t the kind of ideas I can really support in good conscience, and I certainly don’t want my kids, especially my daughters, to ever be told that such a worldview was a good idea.

___________________________

* – this is one area where the producers of the film of the book got something right. Whatever else you can say about Kristen Stewart (I’ve not seen her in much, but I hear The Runaways isn’t bad), she honestly looks like she’s ready to tear Pattinson’s pants off with her teeth through much of that film (that’s probably because she really was going to do exactly that after the scene wrapped and they got back to their trailers); that thing she does where she bites her lip…gotta say, kinda sexy.

** – The most fun you can have with New Moon is to willfully ignore context when Bella teases Edward about how if he won’t [vamp] her, maybe his hot psychic sister will. ♪Bow Chicka Bow Wow♪

*** – Notably, many people have commented on the fact that Meyer vampires, with their sparkling and such, aren’t really vampires. Few people, however, note that Meyer werewolves, lacking the whole “infected with lycanthropy” business and with no connection to lunar cycles, aren’t so much werewolves as they are naturalistic shaman shape-changers or skinwalkers. Why yes, I am a pendant.

twelve

18
Jul

So, twelve years. I’ll take it.

I shall always be eternally grateful my best friend agreed to this arrangement so many years ago, and that she continues to put up with me and all my quirks.

Especially those quirks that cropped up this year.

Not much else to say, really, except “thanks.” And this little timely bit from xkcd, which just popped up on Friday, and seemed strangely appropriate:


I really wish I could always live up to this.  Happy Anniversary!

friday random ten: “sleep deficit” edition

16
Jul

Returning to hotel living after a couple of weeks does strange things to a person’s sleep cycle.

  1. “Baclava” – Arctic Monkeys
  2. “Big Big Ugly” – Innocent Nixon
  3. “Broken Family” – Julie Schreiber Band
  4. “Move On” – The Rentals
  5. “Pollution of the Mind” – Miss Kittin
  6. “Begin the Begin” – REM
  7. “I Pity the Fool” – Molly Lewis
  8. “Why Does the Sun Shine?” – TMBG
  9. “Hysteric” – Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  10. “Your Kisses are Wasted on Me” – The Pipettes

a better example – pop journalism is not quite dead

13
Jul

A couple of posts ago, I tore apart a media article which seemed to report results from a scientific study, but really did no such thing, and in the attempt, did it really badly.

This week, I found a good example of a short news report about a research study, and though it appropriate to share. Allow me to shine a light on Science Daily‘s article "Mom’s favoritism tied to depression in adulthood", as reported on July 10, 2010.

I’m not going to say this is a perfect example, but for the format the article is written in, it hits the high points without getting bogged down by a lot of pointless fluff.

What is exactly that makes me call this article better than the one about video games being tied to reckless driving? Here’s a list:

  • The study is sourced to the institution where it was conducted, and all the authors are cited, as well as their qualifications.
  • The research methodology and project scope are clearly spelled out.
  • General findings presented are clearly tied only to the research itself, rather than folk wisdom. Potential outcomes of said research are realistic, and not presented sensationalistically.
  • Quotes presented from a proposed "authority" are directly tied to that person’s authority (in this case, the quotations come directly from the author of the study); there’s no "bait and switch" here.
  • The story is  based on a press release, though is clearly identified as being sourced to such.   Press-release stories are common, but the acknowledgement is nice.
  • The story offers a direct citation of the journal article written about the study, and a link to the abstract if a reader desires more information.

Also, a cool nice-to-have but not-strictly-necessary extra is the fact that the web site provides citations for this article in MLA and APA format in the event a student wishes to reference this article in a paper or report.

Now, to be fair, this article is written for a science-centered news outlet, rather than a local network affiliate, though I’d argue that both are aimed at general audiences. Also, both deal with similar topics, are roughly the same length, and both news outlets use advertising – I believe there’s enough similarities between them to make the comparison.

Clearly, both articles and studies deal with societally relevant topics a good portion of the audience can relate to; however, I believe this one does a much better job of reporting factual, specific information on the topic in a way that is engaging to the reader, without resorting to controversy or manipulative emotional appeals that have little bearing on the actual subject.

I wish this type of reporting were the norm. Sadly, we all know it’s not.

friday random ten: “deja vu-ish” edition

09
Jul

Things are looking an awful lot like that other weekend.

  1. “Highly Strung” – Orianthi & Steve Vai
  2. “Stuck in a Movie” – The Aquabats
  3. “A Certain Romance” – Arctic Monkeys
  4. “I’ll Give You My Skin” – Indigo Girls (feat. Michael Stipe)
  5. “Kiss Me On The Bus” – The Replacements
  6. “You Really Gotta Hold On Me” – She & Him
  7. “Whistling in the Dark” – Jonathan Coulton & Paul & Storm
  8. “You Wouldn’t Like Me” – Tegan and Sara
  9. “Grace Cathedral Hill” – The Decembrists
  10. “From Me To You” – The Beatles

______________________

On a completely unrelated note, I seem to have two spambots arguing with each other in my moderation queue…Nice try, but am I really going to believe that two real people named “buy tramadol” and “cialis” from the same IP address are arguing over the intellectual content of the page where I display my PSN trophy card?

At least wait to see if a comment gets past the filter before responding to it…seriously.

because it might be important or something

07
Jul

Looking at my hit stats for the last month or so, I’m getting a bunch of unfamiliar hits (most of it seems related to all the Doctor Who blogging I’ve been doing lately) from people I’m not necessarily expecting, so I though it might be a good time to sort of re-introduce myself, for what little that’s going to be worth.

Hi.

As you might expect, I’m Chuck, and this is my soapbox, my cry for help, my means of bellowing opinions and random thoughts balefully at the darkness. Sometimes, it helps me to remember what I did this time last year. It is, in short, a blog.

If you’re interested in who I am, I keep a bland, business card sort of site at www.chuck-parker.net, but really, there’s nothing there that you won’t infer from the stuff you’re finding here. The words here are pretty much a direct dump from my cerebral cortex – if you want to know what’s going through my head at a given moment, the site you are currently reading is your best source.

You might also ask about whether I’m on all those fancy social network sites – the answer is yes, I’ve claimed space on several, though rarely use any of them besides twitter, a service I consider myself a big fan of. Feel free to “friend” me on the others, but I honestly don’t find reason to use them much beyond a quick glance now and then.

That’s really about it, really. Enjoy your visit; if something affects you, feel free to comment; I enjoy comments that aren’t from ‘bots trying to sell me penis inflation pills.

no one cares about my weekend

06
Jul

We started Saturday with a nice family bike ride to the local farmer’s market to pick up some fresh vegetables – eggplant, sweet corn, basil, and a couple of other bits. Led to some good meals for the weekend, though next time, with the eggplant, i’m going to season italian, but cook asian.

A little more cleaning and some more biking led into Sunday, which was pretty laid back – watched some movies, did some laundry, then headed a little bit south to check out a fireworks display (and spent longer wrangling the car out of the lot afterwards than we spent watching the show). Not a bad time, though. Kids had a good time, even if they were more distracted by the rednecks lighting off little explosions behind us than with the main event.

Monday, being the federal holiday, was a day off as well. After Sunday night’s adventures, I needed some quiet time, so I packed up the bike and rode the trails at the park for a couple of hours first thing, which felt really good. Me, nature, animals (saw an owl in addition to the osprey this time), and a few hikers who had trouble hearing my bike – I guess I need to get a bell, or at least a couple of baseball cards.

For Independence Day

04
Jul

A few thoughts on what America means from The Star-Spangled Avenger himself (as transcribed by J. Micheal Straczynski in Amazing Spider-Man #537):

just because it's a comic book doesn't mean you won't find wisdom there

–click to enlarge–

Given that the lettering in that panel above is a little tight, I’m just going to type that whole speech out below so it’s a bit easier to read:

…Doesn’t matter what the press says. Doesn’t matter what the politicians or the mobs say. Doesn’t matter if the whole country decides that something wrong is something right.

This nation was founded on one principle above all else: The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences.

When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree besides the river of truth, and tell the whole world–

–No you move.”

Just a little something to think about as you’re out cooking burgers, watching fireworks, buying mattresses at a discount or whatever it is you’re doing to celebrate The Fourth of July.

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