By the time you read this, my first solo record, World’s Okayest…, will have gone live on bandcamp for digital sales. It’s a weird feeling; exciting and intimidating. Although I’ve played all of these songs live dozens of times (and it took me years to get the confidence up to do that), putting it down on what would have been tape 30 years ago and throwing it out there for people to give me shiny gold rocks in exchange for it feels, I don’t know…presumptuous and maybe a little self-aggrandizing or conceited? It’s triggering deep-seated lessons I internalized as a youngling to stay out of the spotlight and not to put on airs, y’know? I know in my logical mind that I’ve got some small measure of talent; or as I like to put it, “I’m good enough”, and it’s not unrealistic to expect that people would want to buy my stuff, because people have outright told me to record songs so they could buy them, but at the same time, as I write this on the eve of release day, I’m still more than a little anxious that people aren’t going to appreciate it or that it’s not good enough and people will scorn it for it’s inadequacy.

Imposter Syndrome really sucks, folks. On some level, I’m always going to be that fat kid who got picked on in middle school. Doesn’t matter that I’m in the best physical shape of my life, that I have a loving community of family and friends, and that I actually regularly get paid to make music; there’s always a part of me that’s going to think I’m one wrong word, one stupid action away from having everyone realize that I don’t actually belong here and kick me out of the club.

We shall not talk of the phantom gut I still regularly feel spilling over my belt. I guess I just did. Oh well.

But, I guess we all struggle with those feelings; I’m not entirely trusting of people who don’t. That said, I’m really proud that I successfully made the thing, and take definite satisfaction in having learned a hell of a lot about the process, which I’m already putting to good use. I really do hope that people like my stuff, warts and all.

As I joke, one of these decades I’ll make a living at this.

Oh well; here are some tunes that aren’t mine. Number six is one I haven’t heard in a long time, it was a nice surprise encountering it again.

1. “I’ve Got Reason” – Mikal Cronin
2. “On Your Feet” – Juliana Hatfield
3. “Sea of Heartbreak” – Meat Puppets
4. “Milwaukee” – The Both
5. “Just What I Needed” – The Cars
6. “Van Halen” – Nerf Herder
7. “Stay” – The Blue Nile
8. “Fire Escape” – Fastball
9. “Better Things” – The Kinks
10. “Diamonds Back To Coal” – Jeremy Ivey
11. “Dizz Knee Land” – Dada
12. “Superman” – R.E.M.
13. “Excitable Boy” – Warren Zevon